My ex, Oedipus.

Nothing embitters the soul more than the one that got away, especially when someone else is to blame. Unfortunately for me, the inspiration behind it is all true, and happened.

Once upon a time,

I loved.

Wholly, thoroughly completely,

I thought you were mine

I worshiped at your altar,

I was your pensive servant,

And you my skin and bones muse.

 

 

Our love knew only one boundary,

The taming of your own personal shrew.

Oh Oedipus, why oh why did I fall in love with you.

I wish I could have seen,

Through twelve drug induced years,

I fought, clamored my way to you,

Afraid that you would run away,

Never doubting that once I had you,

you would stay.

 

 

Her crux was like no other.

Nothing can come between a son and his mother,

Or so they say,

Then why did I think I was special, or different?

Something to cure that aching need,

I met the woman, it’s hard to believe that the blood runs through you

Is what is inside her as well.

 

 

I wish I never fell,

Fell so hard I could not see,

Made plans, invited guests.

The whole world knew,

I gazed upon my ring, betrothed,

silently screaming that I was adored!

 

 

But even in quiet moments, alone,

The world asleep,

My love was not your fortress,

It was your mother’s you would keep.

No wedded bliss for star-crossed lovers,

No gentle breeze to cure my fright.

I sometimes think of you now,

When the daily burdens of life are light,

And wonder if you’re there.

Cutting her toenails, watching her put up her hair.

In that horrible beehive teased nonsense she wears.

 

 

I have to remember you are from her,

The boy I loved came from that spider infested womb

How did you end up so alive?

When all of her thoughts are loveless and dead,

And fill my head with undying dread?

 

 

I believe you think of me too,

Watching my missteps, as if there is some clue.

Through mutual friends you find your way.

I wish somehow, in faded dreams you could stay,

Be in my arms forever more,

Not a b*****d, or a damnation,

Just the man that I adored.

 

 

I will never get over you,

I told myself that I would one day,

And even found another,

But he didn’t kill the pain,

Of losing the one thing I held dear.

Your sweet nothings still linger in my ear.

 

 

I wonder if she’s happy,

That seething ridiculous b***h,

She made you think my feelings were untrue,

That I could ever lie to you,

And you have no choice but to believe her.

I hope you’re very happy together.

 

 

You are alone, and I guess, even now,

Three years later, I am too.

I owe her a credit, I really do.

For showing her true colors before I walked down that ivory aisle.

Said I do, and watched my love decrease by miles.

 

 

I could not be tethered to her,

Though my heart aches for you.

I find myself in a bitter juxtaposition

Between what is right,

And what my heart believes is.

 

 

You and I forever,

Why can’t she understand,

That it was my hand you held when things got rough,

It was my knees that bent?

 

 

Blood is thicker than water,

To her I was an ocean,

That you went to drown in

But now I feel like I am going under

But I’d gladly swim all over again,

If it meant one more second with you.

 

 

Author's Note

Any reviews welcome. I have an issue with the whole free verse thing, it starts off one way, and ends up rhyming in some iambic pentameter I don't want.

Reviews

[Blackbirdsong]

There are two things here as in every poem, the emotion or story of the poem and the structure. The emotion you have done perfectly. You describe your feelings, this man and his mother and do it brilliantly. The structure needs a little nip and tuck here and there and as you say it is uneven in places. Since this is clearly a highly personal piece I won't say more, but perhaps when the time comes you'll do a little nip and tuck and both aspects of this beautifully thought out and painful poem will be equally wonderful.