Mistakes

Winter 2015>2016

Hesitating, over thinking, wasting time.
My past mistakes taught me lessons, but they have also made me afraid to risk making more.
I want to pour my heart out for her, but I worry that it will be broken again, and so soon after I rebuilt it with scraps of my imagination.
Too many variables, and yet, very few. I don't know what she's thinking, I don't know what she'll choose; I never know.
But it's the uncertainty that brings the mixed feeling of excitement and worry; the thought of having so much to gain, and at the same time, so much to lose.
I cant decide whether to say something; whether to try to begin something that could be great, if she wanted it to be.
In the end, it's not a question about what I will choose, but a question of what she will choose.
But, there lies the risk that stops me in my words every time I contemplate; If I speak, and what I see in her is false, my heart will take another blow that will send the pieces too far for me to run. I won't have the strength.
So again I sit, looking at the mended cracks of my heart, too scared of breaking it again to take a risk.