teaser

It was calm, the calm of before the storm. It always is an unnerving calm.

It was night, dark moonless night. Unlike days, nights are advantageous for darkness lurking around the corner or hiding behind a bush. It is like nature’s way of fairplay. The hunter becomes the hunted and vice versa.

It was a breezy night, cold, dry breeze flowing at intervals and passing one by, as if whispering secrets. If you listen closely it might make your senses stand at their ends.

There he was, dozing on a dimly lit park bench, unaware and unaffected. He deserved some rest before......

Something was hiding behind that bush nearby, spying on him, some kind of monster, looking at him from over the bush and then hiding back quickly. The commotion woke him up, it was about time. He was trying to figure out what was causing it when suddenly, something came out from behind the bush and launched on him. In within a few fraction of seconds he closed his eyes and violently threw his arm around in reflex to fend off whatever evil it was, but before he could hit it, he woke up from this dream, the intensity of all of this caused his sleeping body to react the same way but, he still, did hit something causing his body to shiver and his mind to wish, wish so badly that he could just disappear, that he actually did, waking up in a totally different place altogether.

There he was standing in a field, awake beyond belief, deeply affected and aware of each heartbeat, exhausted. He deserved some rest now.

It was breezy here, warm and dry breeze blowing past him as if caressing him to sleep, inducing lethargy in each of his senses.

It was day, wide bright day. Unlike the night, he was safe in the day. Nature gave him a chance, balance was restored.

It was calm, the calm of after the storm. It is always a gloomy calm.

Author's Note

i am not much of a story writer........
first draft...........suggestions welcomed.......
though make sure to tell me if you found it interesting, compelling........comment on style and language......
and yes would you like to read more?

Reviews

[micky]

Its defo astray from your usual.....but i like it...your piece has a bit of an awkward flow but im sure the second draft will be amazing...keep going Pushjar your gna get farther than youll ever think...push yourself to the limits and keep going....your friend Micky:) :) ;)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

Thank you so much for your faith and encouragement...........really means a lot to me!!! :) :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

this is something i have decide to develop as a long story, maybe a novel........

[micky]

It def can be a noval the key i think is to have patients....i know you can do it Pushkar just let the words come to you

[Pushkar Prabhat]

i will try me best..........thank you for such strong support!!! :) :)

[D]

Question 1. Are you still working on this?

Question 2. Need a co writer?

So far good enough for a teaser.

[Confuser]

Par. beg. Something: Beginning in: Re-read; little tiny error...It's very interesting Pushkar and absolutely would love to read more. There are some very interesting lines, some very strong and I can see the poet in your descriptions. Keep writing: I'm interested. Stop worrying and write. You can do it. Thank you so very much. Dale

[Pushkar Prabhat]

thank you so much Dale............you are always very encouraging and kind to me.......i will try to write more of this soon..............thank you again.....!!!! :) :)

[Confuser]

You're welcome Pushkar! Look forward to reading it. Thank you.

[R Smith]

I like it, you set the scene very well and then bang!! it takes off into the weird and wonderful world of the mind stretcher ( a feeling i like ) probably one or two minor hitches with the flow of words but nothing to worry about, your main concern now is you have to explain his ability to move from the dark to the light and saved himself from harm or is this symbolic of him recovering from a dark part of his life and making his world a better place, the answers lie with you Pushkar :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

that part still reads awkward.......working on it........the answer sure lies with me.......hope i will gradually unfold......
thank you so much Sir........much needed encouragement........!!! :) :)

[Ruth]

I enjoyed this hon...the style is unusual and keeps the attention, has an eerie energy, the visuals are captivating and hold the reader's intrigue...I am not the best critic and like all story telling, formatting and editing come after, better to have the idea down and working on it than none at all and looking at the blank page whilst the idea swims within the mind lol I am interested to read more...you can do it ;)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

true.........better write something than nothing............thank you so much for your encouraging words!!! :) :)

[Ruth]

My pleasure...

[Pushkar Prabhat]

:D :D :) :)...........

[Dina K.]

"The calm after the storm. It is always a gloomy calm"... I love how you closed this piece, and how you wrote it, the style, the few rhymes, the simple language... It's all very intense in a compelling way, I wish to see more of this story soon... Well done, Pushkar :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

thank you so much for your encouragement and interest.................i will try my best.......!!! :)

[Deepika]

A good attempt as a beginner in story telling I feel. I like it! This time your creativity with formatting is lacking ;) Nice use of words though(y)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

Thank you so much........i hope next draft will fulfill your expectations.......!!! :) :)

[Dear Aurth,]

Vice versa :/.... Just the other way around would have been more than enough ... Waiting for the next one .... The paragraph distribution, I got lost, read it 3 times ... Yes I want to read ahead.

Amaturly I tried ....

You know what thy say, there's a calmness befor the sorm. Its true, a night, dark moonless night. Nights are advantageous for darkness to skulk around.....nature’s way of fairplay. The hunted becomes the hunter......

[Pushkar Prabhat]

oh wow......i should hire you as a shadow writer...........thank you for you interest........i will keep your suggestions in mind while editing the next draft....... :) :)

[Jeyanthi]

Dozing off on park bench... hrrr what was he? :P
It is interesting. I like to know more of this mystery...

Keep writing!! :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

thank you so much.............!!! :) :)

[Shubham Joshi]

The person is unaware of darkness but I don't understand what 'unaffected' suggests here.
Also please review "the few fraction of seconds", it doesn't seem right and I quite understand that how nature has restored the balance, unless you would care to explain it in the next draft. Other than that it was quite an intriguing chapter, there is suspense of what is there behind the bushes, how is he transferred to day and yes I would extremely love to read the next draft.

[Pushkar Prabhat]

unaffected because......the calmness did not affect him........he was sleeping.....and i really am not sure about that fraction thing......will have to research.....and everything shall be explaind eventually, duh....
thank you so much for your interest and constructive review..............really appreciate it! :) :)

[Shubham Joshi]

Oh! could not understand it myself but welcome

[Pushkar Prabhat]

:) :) :) seem so grumpy today......all well?

[Shubham Joshi]

yeah i am fine

[Pushkar Prabhat]

oh okay then.........stay awesome!!! :) :)