SOUVENIRS

An account of the thoughts that cross my mind each time i hug my beloved, before going away from her.

holding you close.
concealed.
in my arms.
with intent to collect,
while i can,
souvenirs,
of our love,
of you.

for while i will be gone,
far.
among strangers.
our love shall breathe,
on these,
these souvenirs,
of our love,
of you.

for when i will have to,
smile.
pretend i am alive.
my strength shall be,
these precious,
souvenirs,
of our love,
of you.

for when i will sob alone.
treasured.
from the whole world,
my tacenda,
these souvenirs,
of our love,
of you.

Author's Note

Please express your opinion about this poem. Since i am new at writing poetry, please help me grow thorough your suggestions.

Reviews

[MomzillaNC]

This is very good beginning. I especially like the way you carry the reader with the visual of your layout. I would personally use an ellipse (that's the symbol that looks like three periods) to end most of those lines, but that's just my preference. The way you've expressed it gives a lovely finality to each line, a sense of necessity.

Good use of "tacenda"

I do, however, recommend capitalizing the first word of most lines and all your personal pronouns; it should always be uppercase "I"

[Briana O'Connor]

This is absolutely beautiful. The repetition in each verse brings a more concrete message and adds a unique quality. This format brings a song like quality to life. Thank you for sharing.

[AprilRN1210]

I like the subtle use of repetition in here.. those hugs are like "souvenirs" to carry with you for later... sort of a reminder of love and support.. that keep us going and give us strength... very well written.. I really enjoyed..

[Ashira Macy]

It is so difficult to be away from out loved ones for long periods of time. It is beautiful that you try to absorb a surplus of her love before you leave so that you can ration it throughout your time away. Wonderful work.

[Nicole Williams]

realistic feelings bring a poem to life,
beautiful flow, well done.

[BubblingMe]

It is so lovely, sweet and romantic, beautiful!

[Rose Diamond]

Very good! I love that mixture of sadness and romance, it made the poem that much more realistic! :)

[Penny]

Very nyc poetry. And dvway u end each is beautiful. Keep writing lyk dis:-)

[Sami Khalil]

Nothing like collected good sovenirs of places and people ...A very nice poem....:)...................