Chapter 1- Moving

Hayley is moving to Slaughterville, OK.

            Ugh! My mind was about to explode with anger! I needed to find a way out, and I wished I could be anywhere but here.

            My mom got this brilliant idea to move again. We have moved five times in the last year. I don’t know why we have to jump around all the time. For once, I just wished I could settle down and actually get a life.

            So here I am, packing my bags and crying like I’m ten. It’s not like I have much to pack. All I have is a dresser full of clothes, a pair of shoes, and some of this and that. You see, my mom works as a cashier most of the time. She never really gets a real job. So we aren’t exactly loaded with money.

            My mom is a sort of odd person in a way. She is constantly changing her hair color. -I probably wouldn’t even be able to tell you her natural one.- She is also always turning down promotions. On my behalf, she is never there. Her name is Karen Jones. Yeah, it’s nothing special. She named me Hayley. The only interesting thing about my name, I’ve done some research on it, is that it’s the same as some singer from Paramore. I made a mental note to listen to some of their songs, but that was like two years ago.

            So, about me, I’m as normal as they get. Nothing special, either. I’ve never had a boyfriend, I get average grades, my long brown hair doesn’t want to curl, the most friends I’ve had at a time is less than five, and I’m not in any sports. Like I said, nothing special.

            “Hayley!” my mom cried from the kitchen.

            Great, we were already to leave. I quickly texted my friend Sara, who was barely a friend, goodbye. No response, but I didn’t sit around and wait for one either.

            So I’m going into eighth grade, new school, and a new chance to not be myself. I’d say my life pretty much sucked right now. I used to try to make friends the first day, but now I just make myself inconspicuous.

            I sluggishly walked towards the kitchen carrying only a couple bags. My mom was irritably tapping her fingers on the counter. -she wasn’t one to be patient- I avoided eye contact and walked outside to our car. Slowly, I put my things in the trunk and hopped in the front seat. Not a minute later, we were already backing out. I glanced back at our house imagining I loved it here and that I was sad, but couldn’t.

            “Honey, I know it’s hard to leave your friends behind, but it’s for the best.” my mom turned to me.

            “Mom, I didn’t even have any friends.”

            “What about Janice? She was nice.”

            “There wasn’t even a Janice at my school, mom.” I said sourly then turned away. I don’t mind if my mom doesn’t talk to me, but when she does it’s like she doesn’t even know me.

            Our car ride was very quiet and awkward. My mom kept trying to make small talk, and I kept turning up the radio. My mom and I don’t usually get along. As if reading my mind, she attempted to talk to me again.

            “Hayley, I think we should start fresh. You know, get this whole communication thing settled. I think we could be a happy family again. Just because you da-” She started when I cut her off.

            “Stop, mom! Don’t even bring him into this. Maybe if you tried to act like a decent human being then we would talk more. I don’t even know who you are anymore! You never tell me anything, so I’m just going to return the favor.” I didn’t mean to sound so straightforward but that’s how it cam out.

            “Alright, I know how you feel honey.”

            “Very unlikely.” I snapped back.

            “Let me finish, Hayley. I’m sorry for never telling you anything and how we are always moving. If you want the truth then I will tell you. I’ve been running away from our past. Your dad. After he died I felt like we should just keep going on. I’m sorry if I’ve been selfish. I never meant for you to feel this way.” I was really surprised by my mom’s reaction. She was even crying! My mom never cries! For awhile I was speechless. I decided to lighten up the conversation.

            “I don’t care if we move far away, but did you really have to pick Slaughterville?” After that we both laughed the worst we ever had together.

 

Author's Note

Go ahead, tell me what's wrong. Give me compliments. I can handle it.

Reviews

[Shellie]

I think its a very good opening. No run up to the move, just the act right up og getting ready and going. I agree with Cedric D Jr's review about Karen Jones character. Even though you may develop this in the next chapters a bit more about the mother would fit in great. You already did alot of this which shows you definitely put in the effort and its obvious you are a storyteller.

[David Lucero]

Being told what's wrong with a writer's story will only allow us the opportunity to make it better. James Cameron said that and he couldn't be more right.

I like what you've written about. As a boy I can relate to having moved around a lot (my Dad was in the Air Force and we travelled all over the country). You describe the frustration Hayley feels very good. It was sad the relationship she had with her mom, but became understandable when she explained how she felt when her husband died. I think that was very real. You chapter has a very good opening and reads simple and true.

Nice job!

David

[Last Lying Look]

Sounds like a good start.
Couldn't find a single thing wrong with it.
I'll add this to my reading list
so I can read the other chapters when I have a bit more time
Can't wait! :)
-Elissa

[mirui]

The story was enthralling and fantastic. You gave good description of what each character was feeling and what they were doing, when they had a certain type of emotion. You showed us how the relationship between Haley and her mother was rocky, and when it got to,Just because you da-", it makes us conclude that he is dead, or they are divorced. Very good job, I cant wait to read more of the chapters.

[Cedric D. Jr.]

The story is good, in that, it relates to a relatively common predicament: the inter-familial conflict. Karen Jones, the mother, is a character that adds to the literary quality of the story, because this character grows and changes as a person in the short amount of time covered in the story. In fact, the best thing about the story is the growth in both characters that eventually links the two together. The story showed plenty of emotion, too. However, Karen Jones could have been made a much better character by developing the vibe she brings to the story a little more, which can be done a variety of ways: giving her a unique form in dialogue, being more descriptive of her facial expressions and body language, giving the audience an example story in one or two paragraphs that outlines the parameters of her personality, etc. Basically, the only constructive criticism meant for improvement would be to establish the character of Karen a little more. Overall, the story was great.