What are you made of?

     "What are you made of?". Ive heard the question asked a million times but when do you really stop to think about the answer...I mean what am I made of?

     I was sitting in class the other day thinking about different types of people and just how different each and every one of us is. The range of personalities I have encountered is endless...but I can truly say Ive never felt like your 'personality' is actually you. The way you act is not the same as the way you are. 

     Upon contemplating this, I looked across the room at her sunken/sullen face and felt hatred well inside of me. 

     "Mrs.Todd I give up this is too hard...", she broke into tears as she had soo many times before.

     I in turn glared at her with laser eyes, boring them into the back of her head. Had she been facing me, my shy character would have inclined me to keep my head down and appear unaffected but as we sat looking down at our tests I could not stop thinking about how much I detested her type.

     I hate people that give up without even trying in the first place. Its kind of a pet peeve for me. Nope I'm not a clean freak. Im probably the quietest most docile human being you might ever come to know, but I do have an opinion and I am made of something.

     I remember way back when I first started running cross country in fifth grade. I hated it at first. Naturally right after the first practice, I came in moaning like a half wit zombie, collapsed on the couch and said I was never going to run again, EVER. 

     Fortunately for me in the long run however, my mom has the same pet peeve as I myself now have. She told me I was going back to practice the next day and that there would be no 'ifs, ands or buts about it'!

    As the season rolled on I found that running not only could be enjoyable, but an outlet as well. I mean running is boring for most people (wheres the ball?), but for me its a way to deal with my problems. I tend to zone out while Im running and think about my life. When I'm angry, sad or upset Id come right out of school and shred it up on the trail. 

     In other words it helps me in a way I guess to get rid of problems. I mean Im not one of those attention hogs that goes to the guidance councilor bawling their eyes out every five minutes. Im so quiet I can't share my problems, with anyone.

     While contemplating this I began to realize part of the reason I detest people that share their feelings. Its because I can't. I mean it doesn't bother me that I don't talk to anyone about all my family issues. I let go of it all through running and other various forms of exercise. But sometimes something just snaps when I see a weepy, overly dramatic girl making frequent stops to the councilors office because she's stressed out about something as trivial as homework. I just get the gut feeling to stand up and scream at her that life could be so much worse than it is for her.

     As the years progressed and I did cross country each year, I not only found that it helped me stay healthy, but it helped me grow a stronger character. Theres an element to running that I haven't found in any other sport. Theres a kind of strength and will power that is only found in people that strive for it. The kind of power that I managed to pull up from within me when I felt like I had nothing left. 

     Im not saying Im extraordinary to all of you out there that don't run. Im not saying your weak or that regular sports aren't difficult as well. Im saying that each of us has our strengths, something that make us up in a sense. 

     So What am I made of? After much thought and contemplation I have to the conclusion of endurance. That even after all Ive been through, all the pain and fighting I saw take place in my home since the day I was born, I HAVENT CRACKED. I have endured and am still enduring. 

     Ive found that over the years this sense of endurance has spread out into other characteristics such as fearlessness and sometimes the need for pure adrenaline rush. I have discovered that as I do the physically dangerous things and push the limits of what any girl is willing to do in the way of speed and gravity, a sense of strength has built up inside me right along side a yearning for that dangerous adrenaline rush.

     And no Im not perfect, I have suffered the physically harmful consequences of trying to board a hill to steep, I realize Im not invincible but at least I know what Im made of. The kind of endurance that will always give me the strength to push forward no matter how bleak the future looks. What are you made of?

Author's Note

short bio