Breaking the Grip

     Aggrivated, I shifted my position in the small wooden chair. We’d been at it for hours trying to put it together and honestly, I was ready to pull my hair out.

“Maria where is the paperwork?” my Dad asked.

“I don’t know, your the one who had it last...” I said impatiently.

“No I didn't, I handed it to you in the car yesterday.” he said to me.

     As his words sunk in I registered the fact that he had handed me them yesterday when he was picking up the mail. Usually he hands me junk mail to put in the trash, so naturally the paper work that came in the mail; that he gave me was... well... put in the trash. And I took the trash out yesterday... 

“I threw it away by accident...I thought it was junk mail...” I said hesitantly as I braced my self for the worst.

“YOU WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?” he yelled. I noticed his face to be turning red and his teeth gritting against one another like they always did when he was seriously angry.

Answering weakly I said, “Look I’m really sorry, I didn’t know-“

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS! ITS GOING TO BE LATE! ALL THIS WORK IS FOR NOTHING! I CANT JUST GO AND PRINT THAT OUT AGAIN” he screamed loudly.

“Look chill out! I said I was sorry but theres nothing we can do about it!” I yelled back.

“YA? WELL MAYBE IF YOU WEREN’T SO F*****G CARELESS WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS PROBLEM WOULD WE!!??” he screamed at me, his yellow teeth lined perfectly on top of one another.

“STOP YELLING! YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME WHAT THE PAPERS WERE WHEN YOU HANDED THEM TO ME! THIS ISNT ENTIRELY MY FAULT!” I yelled as I felt the blood rushing to my head, I could sense this wasn’t going to end well.

He answered, “YES! THIS IS YOUR FAULT-“

“STOP IT. GOD I HATE YOU! STOP IT!!” I screamed at him.

“YOU DUMB A*S!” he said as he lunged forward.

     For a moment I didn’t understand what was happening but then I came to my senses. My father had me in a choke hold. I felt the inability to breath as he attempted to choke me. In the moments notice with what breath I had left I screamed with all my might for my mother. As things were starting to go fuzzy I heard her crash down the stairs and then continue to rip my father from his hold on my throat.

     I broke free, streams of saltwater flowing down my face and headed straight for the basement. Before I could lunge down the steps my mother caught me by the arm. Having always been the one to try and ‘work things out’ I registered the fact that she was probably thinking she was going to force me to do just that. But as for our family, there are just some things that can’t ever be worked out.

     Thinking back my mom always had a very strong grip, but that day in the kitchen I broke free. In all my life I never remember pulling so hard away from something, ever. I could feel the steps beneath me quiver as I pulled from her with every bit of strength left in my frail body. 

     

     When I broke loose, everything stopped, as in slow motion. That day, when I ripped my self away I left everything behind. I was no longer going to sit back and listen to what other people commanded me to do. I would not pretend like I didn’t live in a s**t hole every day of my freakin childhood. I wasn’t going to walk around and be the perfect little Christian girl my mom had always envisioned. I WAS FINISHED. My father had plucked the last nerve. And for me that was all I needed. To break free, to stand up for my self, to disobey for once. 

 

     I left behind in that kitchen, the only reminance of my old self. I left it behind, still being choked between the fingers of my ruthless father. But for once I was free. Never again would I put up with any ones crap. Never again would I go out of my way to download the clean version of the songs. Never again would I turn the channel when something crappy came on. Never again would I think for a moment about doing anything my father told me to do. 

     Any bit of respect I had left for him, was choked and strangled between his very fingers. He killed the innocence in me, he killed the desire in me to make him proud, he killed the real me. And as a result brought the beast of me to the surface. The beast that reigns in my heart and has forever taken control. No longer did I care for those around me because it was from that moment on MY LIFE, MY CHOICE, MY INDEPENDENCE. 

    I sprinted down the basements steps, feeling my legs moving at the speed of light beneath me. I was fleeing, fleeing in fear, I could almost sense maybe my father behind me trying to chase me down and kill me. In response I ran like I have never run in my life. I ran like there was someone behind me, trying to kill me. It was the scariest moment of my life. 

     As I threw open the basement doors open I fled over the driveway and down the hill. Looking down I noticed my white socks splattering in the brown mud as I flung my self down the hill.

     To this day I still think back to that moment on the hill. In slow motion I can see my self as I turn for a moment and glance back. My blond hair flung to the side as I look up the hill with my tear stained face. The sun illuminating each golden lock as it warmed me and calmed me in its bright presence.

     

     I continued to run until I reached the center of a deep wooded area in our woods. I laid down on the mound of dirt, still fresh from being dug. As I lay, I sobbed endlessly for hours. Yelping, screaming, weeping as if I really had gone mad. It was all too much, I couldn’t take it any longer.

 

     That day in those soft green woods, I sobbed my self to sleep over the grave of my deceased horse. The only true friend I’d ever known was gone forever and in the moment I needed her the very most, I couldn’t have her.

Reviews

[Adam Walzer]

Well worth the read. I enjoy the way each sentence seems to push into the next. Had me reading faster and faster as it continued. Certainly has me wonder more about the characters in the story.