Venti

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody's around to hear it...?

"Poetry is overrated and underwhelming," grumbled the man with the non-recyclable coffee cup. His friend, the man with the satchel (it was clearly not a man-purse), merely grunted in response. He was still mildly offended by the first man's choice in beverage; particularly the non-eco-friendly properties of the container in which the bitter concoction swished.

"I mean, anyone can write it," he continued, absentmindedly fiddling with the keys to a vehicle his friend knew for certain wasn't a hybrid. He had felt confident that his persuasive case for purchasing a hybrid had been strong, absolutely infallible, but he had once again forgotten the nature of his "forget-the-earth" friend. That is, he didn't give a dancing damn.

"It doesn't even have to rhyme nowadays." He took a long swig of coffee. "So everybody and their mother does it. Then they show each other. And the poems don't mean crap, but everyone oohs and aahs over them and reflects upon their deeper meanings and excellent use of metaphor and meter." He let out a loud guffaw in the middle of his rant. "That was alliteration. Metaphor and meter. Call me a poet, Jackson."

"You're a poet," Jackson mumbled. He had missed the majority of the rant because he had noticed the pamphlet of the devil sticking out of his friend's back pocket. This devastatingly evil pamphlet proposed a new commercial complex in the place of a particularly lovely little patch of wood. Jackson was attending a protest later in the day against it. Clearly his friend, the poet, wouldn't be joining him.

"That's right, I am." The self-proclaimed poet wore a satisfied smirk. 

Right as the not-a-hybrid started up, Jackson realized the literary magazine had fallen out of his satchel. It was bathing in a mixed pool of rain water and road sludge, and with a sharp squeal it was trampled by rubber tires as the men's vehicle merged onto the street. Jackson shrugged. He would get another one tomorrow.

Author's Note

Please feel free to reflect upon this piece's deeper meaning and I welcome critique of metaphor and meter. However, I am adamantly against antagonistic accusations or accommodating appeals about my alliteration.

Reviews

[Mila]

Hey! This was a very interesting read; I'm so sorry if I am not able to discuss it's deeper meanings (it's been a loooonnngggg day for me, to say the least, so I'm pretty useless right now) but I will say that, even with so few words, you still managed to convey a very sound story that captivates from start to finish. It honestly didn't feel as short reading it!
I did notice a few grammatical things (and, really, they're just nitpicks) that I thought I'd point out. I hope they're helpful!

1. part of the sentence "...merely grunted in response for he..." try tossing in a comma after "response" so as to give this sentence a break. It won't come off as rushed.
2. the sentence "Particularly the non-eco-friendly properties of the container in which the bitter concoction swished." this seems like a fragment. Usually, for dramatic purposes (and I am sure you've seen this before as well) authors will toss in a fragment here or there. I do it all the time, it's actually starting to work against me.....but this sort of fragment would be better off if you integrated it into the preceding or following sentence by use of a semi colon or comma. If you choose a semi colon, be careful, those are usually grammatically sound to use only if both sentences on either side can work as a full sentence on their own. I'll leave the decision on that one to you, the author, but definitely consider making this fragment a part of a sentence. :) (yeah, sorry if this was a bit much, I rant a lot in my reviews...)
3. the sentence part "...strong, absolutely infallible, but he had once again forgotten..." two things I wanted to point out with this. One, make it "strong, and absolutely infallible," so that finishes the thought while you continue on with your next one. The other thing was to put the words "once again" between commas, so that, again, gives it a break. Using commas too much may seem like a bad thing, and sometimes, it, is, because, it, is, really, sloppy, if, misused....but sometimes they're a necessary evil because it keeps the sentence from seeming rushed.

Most of what I saw critique wise had something or the other to do with what I listed above. Other than my nitpicks, I really enjoyed this and I am only sorry that I currently lack the mental capacity to read farther into it and really dig into the deeper meanings that I am sure you are trying to convey. I'll make a point of reading this again, with that mentality. Good work, this was a very nice read all together. Well done! :)

[Heather Kendall]

I would like to say you are a great writer. I can not wait to read the rest of your posts.

[Surya pradha]

pretty good, but it doesn't really deliver a message, except for the fact that you despise poetry. well written anyways.

[Chad Sell]

It you thought this was about me despising poetry (which is absolutely false, I love poetry), then I'm afraid you've entirely missed the point, my friend. Thanks for reading, regardless.

[Delmar Cooper]

Saw all the other stuff about flaws I would never have noticed. Nice to have friends in high places. This was a wonderful very short story. I'm slanted to like any piece of narrative writing that lets the nouns and verbs do the heavy lifting. The story is a machine that just sits there and grinds out content word after relentless word. Bravo.

Oh, one thing " men's vehicle merged..."

[Christopher Robin]

Hey Chad awesome read!

This is for Mila's review.

"His friend, the man with the satchel (it was clearly not a man-purse), merely grunted in response. He was still mildly offended by the first man's choice in beverage; particularly the non-eco-friendly properties of the container in which the bitter concoction swished."

That fixes 1 and 2.

As for 3 and the rest of her review, I'm guessing she may have been too tired to read this through more than once or twice.
I can feel the deliberation with every line of this story. Metaphor comes as easily to you as does the next noun. The sneaky alliterations scattered scantly, subtly, yet succinctly throughout your story? Victoriously glorious! (Put that in your 'sentence fragment consider revising' and smoke it Microsoft Word!)
There's so many things at play here it's hard to list them all, the sparse details about our characters are clear, you take what others would call a 'lack of character development' and turn it into a deliberate, perfect dichotomy. Two characters who non-stop judge everything they see without research or pursuit of the judgement. I don't like making claims like this, but only someone with a strong, practiced propensity for prose and poetry could have penned this piece so perfectly.
Off with the hats, stand up and clap.
Exquisitely penned Chad!

-Robin

(P.S. Forgive me if I downright steal 'dancing damn' after reading this, never seen it before and gave me a chuckle)

[Chad Sell]

Thanks so much for the review!

Bam! That sentence fix is spot on. Thanks.

Your high praise means a lot, sir, and I thank you profusely. But really--I'm rather at a loss of what to say. I did particularly enjoy rereading my piece after your sneaky alliteration comment and discovering several instances of alliteration that I did not consciously plan out.

As for the "dancing damn"--I made it up. The phrase "flying f**k" came to mind, but I don't really like that phrase because I try to avoid using the infamous "f" expletive. I find "damn" to be a much more sophisticated obscenity. Thus, "dancing damn". By all means, steal it and reproduce it for all the world to see.

Again, thank you for reading and for the high praise!

Chad