flaw

When I blink and there are no tears falling from my eyes
That is when I know that I am right
When I breathe and my lungs do not burn
That is when I know that I am right
When I wake up with anger in my every word
That is when I know that I am right
But
When my love stares at me with disgust in their eyes
I question my choices
Never have I done so before
Never have I felt anything other than rightness
I was always right
But
Maybe the lack of tears was a tell I just kept missing
Maybe the days of anger were a tell that I just kept skipping
Being able to breathe doesn’t mean living
A sense of rightness was all I really had
And now?
All I feel is wrong
The nights I spent yelling and yelling
I see now that they were less of a playful exclamation and more of a hurried abuse
An abuse that just keeps hurting.
Just keeps hitting.
The weekends I spent passed out are now less of an accident and more of a character flaw,
I have so many of those now
Or maybe I just couldn’t see them before.
You could.
I knew you could,
and maybe that’s why I didn’t.

Reviews

[sette]

the imperfections are sometimes the things that make us braver to face the world, to stand up for what we truly believe in. this writing is expressive, emotional and very transparent.