Like Dreaming, Almost

An open letter and a poem and a reaffirmation all at once.

When I was 5 years old,
I dreamed that someday I would be a singer.
That didn't last.

I turned 7, and my biggest dream
Was to train dolphins at SeaWorld.
(I had odd ambitions as a kid)
Then I was 10 and I dreamed of being a poet.

Childish dreams, all erased
For being far-fetched, whimsical and too romantic.

Now I'm a little less young,
And I've discovered something else-

Something I didn't understand as a child.
I discovered love.


I discovered that falling in love as a little kid who didn't know enough
Felt just like dreaming.

It felt like everything whimsical and romantic was just within reach

Nothing felt impossible,
The sky was the limit and every sky was a million miles high
And blazing with a brand new sunset
Or bright, silvery starlight

Everything was bright, and radiant,
And so filled with hope and sentimentality.


I also discovered what it was like to wake up from that dream.

To fall out of love, like plummeting through that open sky,
Grasping out at flickering, darkening nothingness and
Once-stunning sunsets and stars that meant nothing
That wouldn't save you from hurtling to the ground,

And crashing in a broken heap.
Lying frozen, scared of moving, scared of even looking up at the unknown.

Because you didn't know something so wondrous could be so painful.
That two realities could switch in seconds flat.

Falling in love and being scared of it is like lucid dreaming,
Still beautiful, and almost unbelievable.
But every choice is in your hands.
And you're so much more aware of everything you do,
Regardless of if it's the right choice or not.

And every time something goes right, you're limitless, fearless, flying,
Until something goes wrong, and you almost don't dare to dream.

I've dreamed as many dreams as I have had nightmares,
And I've grown a little older in the process.

Right now it feels like I'm dreaming some impossibly beautiful dream,
But at the same time,
I feel like I know and understand so much more within it.

I'm dreaming, positively dreaming,
In the midst of many gruesome nightmares I've seen and tried to resolve.

But no matter how beautiful a dream is,
It is never exempt from fear.
Each beautiful thing comes with a warning.

What do you know, you ignorant child, about love?
You've seen heartbreak and breakups so sudden you wouldn't even feel awake.
Just dreamless, and lost.
What do you know about keeping love alive?
Don't you know how much it'll hurt to be rudely awoken
If you keep foolishly dreaming such dreams like this?
Don't you understand that the love and the loss of it
Are both just as real?
Will you ever get it right?

I'm scared, but I'm still going to dream,
I'm going to dream until time runs out.

Author's Note

This is a Lonely Word Splurge ™️. Please critique me keeping that in mind. Also, proper punctuation and grammar go out the window when I can't think straight. Sorry.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I do not know what a “Lonely Word Splurge” is . . . it would be good to give us a little explanation in your authors note, since you’re bringing it up! Regardless of whatever kind of splurge this is, your writing is naturally flowing in a comprehensible & organized way, which is a huge advantage to start with! The most impactful part of your message is the way your writing is simplistic at the beginning, representing that kind of uncomplicated love, then as your life story progresses, so does your style of expression, as if SHOWING (as well as telling) about this journey to a more multi-level kind of love. Even tho your explanations seem somewhat straightforward & not complicated, there’s a hidden depth in the way you describe the different kinds of experiences. I very much believe in what seems to be your conclusion: that we must find the balance between being brave enuf to love with wild abandon, yet also not leaving our hearts completely unguarded, becuz s**t happens (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Chris]

You've a 'good' voice...
I've heard its like
while on soooo many seawalls
- while watching the waves endlessly come
...ashore.

Memories continue their ceaseless flow
under oh soooo many, many diamond-edged stars.

[Coyote Poetry]

Keep dreaming Andrea. The only limit we have is what we put on ourselves.
I'm scared, but I'm still going to dream,
I'm going to dream until time runs out. "
Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.

Coyote