Discord To An Angel

this is Really F*****g Stupid

She wants a confident, definite yes

So yes, I will audition

Yes, I will sing

And for your sake and just as much in fear I raise my hand, and nod,

Because it's the simplest agreement that voices what she'll want to hear

We go down the line and the heel of my hand is pressed into my chest, 

Heavy weight against my heart, a note to

Please, please CALM THE HELL DOWN
Stop pounding, please

And as I much as I don't want to, I sing

Well, barely

I want to be heard, just a bit

But you're sitting right in front of me and I can't, I really cannot sing

Because I know I sound shaky and scared

And I don't want you to hear that

I always wanted you to see me as some kind of fearless activist

But that facade can't really hold up when my voice is shaking and cracking and airy

And as soon as I'm away I can sing it loudly, and clearly

But when I'm near you-

You, such a source of comfort, and yet-

I stumble quietly over my own words.

I hate it just as much as I love you,

Which hurts.  

Author's Note

i didn't proofread this, please proofread this.