darkest days

some thoughts of my darkest days

Why do i bother to wake up

To wake up to nothing

What's the point in getting up

These thoughts are just crushing

I shouldn't reach for the drink

But how can i resist 

It's the only thing that makes it stop, it the only thing that stops me think

Just what is the reason for me to exist 

1 drink, 5 drinks, 10

If i drink more does it all end

Mum hid the razors again

So i guess it's back to smoking and drinking 

They are the only reason why i'm not insane

With more and more drink, i feel myself sinking

I'm not scared, i'm not freaking out

I feel at peace, i feel warm

I should be screaming, i should shout

But how can i when i feel like i'm finally in the calm away from the storm

I'm sorry mum for all these thoughts

Im sorry friends for thinking you're better off without me 

I'm sorry you have to pick out my urn pot

I had to go, i had to be free

Don't cry for me, i'm happier now

One day we’ll meet again

But for now goodbye my friend

Author's Note

trigger warning for depression and suicidal thoughts