Triggered

One of my triggers

I look at you and I don't know what I should see

My mothers ex or the father that you should have been

You never wanted me, I could tell by the look on your face

It was like I was a disgrace

I was different to my sister and brother

Did you think I belonged to another?

Yes I was bigger, yes I wasn't like you

But did that mean you had to bully me too?

There was no relationship to begin with

As the years goes by all I see is hatred

You're a nasty drunk, who used evil words

And when you were sober you thought we were all absurd

You had no memory of what you did, you still don't

I understand addiction is a illness

However time after time, you never looked for help

And even if you did you never were a dad to me

Don't worry my stepdad is teaching what a father should be 

Don't worry cause my step dad protects me

He doesn't get angry towards everyone if they disturb him

He does things for people on a whim

He's there when I get triggered by you

He never expects anything in return too

I thank god everyday to be free from you

I thank god you have given me something to not become

Mum has finally found her one

I have never seen her so happy

So thank you we don't need you

Reviews

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

This was a very difficult read because I saw so much of myself in this writing with the exception of ever having a step father to show me what a real father would be like. My father was very abusive towards me as a child. I never understood why until my early 20s when my mom admitted she had me from another man. I had always felt differently from my two other brothers but this reveal really confirmed everything. When my father became disabled no one wanted to take care of him and were ready to commit him to a home. But I stepped up and cared for him for the last 13 yrs of his life. Eventually I learned to forgive him and let go of those things that hurt me so much through my life. It took time but eventually I found peace because I learned holding onto so much anger wasn't worth it. It is so easy to hate someone than love them. I chose to love. I truly hope that someday you will find that peace in your heart to do the same. Thank you for sharing your important poem with us.