Begin again...

When humble growlings start to mumble,

and over the heights of passion threat,

the delights and pure lightness of being,

can one meet the sage of regret,

and farewell a once hopefilled idol,

to slowly open, grow, and listen,

to the whispers of dreams long surpassed.

Author's Note

My first ever published work - I'm really new at opening up my work for others to read, but I'm ready to take the jump this year!

Reviews

[Sir Joseph]

It is great that you have decided to start showing your writings to others!

[TheLemon&Me]

Thanks Sir Joseph!

[Jay]

this reads nice...
for the most part it has consistent line meter, which i think is what gave me the initial feel of this piece - which was smooth and appetising.
when i read again more cerebrally, there were a couple of things that hindered me. the first is in line three: delight and lightness sharing not only the same line, but the same sentence,.. seems tautological and overstated.
the next thing was the fact that this poem does infact appear as one single sentence - with a whole lot of commas. this made the comprehension of the poem somewhat 'wooly' for me (and i don't believe this is "that kind of poem"...) i am wondering if you should consider trading some commas, here and there, for period points, or semi colon...

these are my little thoughts...
thanks for sharing.
i look forward to more of you

[TheLemon&Me]

Thanks Jay,

Perhaps it can be reworked with a more succinct grammar - however it was my intention to have it as one sentence to mirror one thought. It would however probably fit nicely across two stanzas - I will investigate!

:D

[Shannen Forrester]

Well to start, well done for having the bravery to share, and from this It'd obvious you shouldn't be afraid to :) I'm not as good at analysis of meaning as you, but I can say that it reads well and doesn't outstay it's welcome by not writing for the sake of it. Well done and keep it up :)
Oh and sweet username by the way :)

[TheLemon&Me]

I have been playing with an eighth and final line which might 'balance' it a bit more...

read more I have been playing with an eighth and final line which might 'balance' it a bit more...

I will be truthful - with the meanings and analysing thing, some times I see it as more of a curse, but a necessary evil when one is a English Lit major! Sometimes I just can't leave the 'uni me' out of my 'writer me' space. I hope I didn't overstep the mark with the reading...but your writing did make a pretty profound impact :D

Thanks - I enjoyed the username - its all about what Life gives you and what you make of it isn't it?!?!

X
Much thanks

[Shannen Forrester]

You are more than welcome, and I meant it as a compliment :) I love people analyzing the meaning in my work, no one does :( I hate asking people to review my work but I would honestly love your input on the rest of my poetry.