(untitled)

For my uncles Wayne and Bob, who served in Vietnam.

Eyes shut against the Sun's greenish stare
Dusty waves surround my empty frame
I've hung my hopes on the lost, broken glare
Of those languid forms now lying lame
Among the shattered landscape's last prayer

There is only silence save the windsong
A quiet trill slowing with my heartbeat
Perfect in timing, heartweak, spiritstrong
Relaxed as Cold penetrates the blazing heat
Cold whose fingers hovered closely all along

I pointed my gun where I was shown
Fired my rounds across the horizon
Or into crumbling buildings a tired groan
From collapse, among cities left barren
By fighters leaving us cut off and alone

And then, my ephemeral fellows and I
Rise up gliding above the still desert
Greet each other with a wry smile, nod goodbye
Eyes roam about the scene of our final effort
And upward fly.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading. I welcome any suggestions.

Reviews

[writing mojo]

Fellowship in such realities is a beautiful thing....I like the flow of this piece, it grooves between places and niches only seen with close introspective of living through thick and thin.....I can tell you use an Icarus quill to get your point across to the grounded down here...."greenish stare" ...excellent piece

[J. Land]

Thank you.

[Jack Wolfe]

Sorry about my late arrival, been hectic this morning. Okay, now onto the review:

Your opening stanza sets up a well described canvas of death and horror, ;'the greenish stare' an atmosphere of smoke, gas, the aroma of death and exhaustion illustrated by the 'languid forms'.

'Cold whose fingers hovered closely all along,' I loved this line.

'ephemeral' I don't know why (it fits) but I re-read it three times and it made me hesitate each time, perhaps a different synonym.

This was tightly woven, battle strong, endurance, cast into havoc, the few emerge, weak, tired, wounded, but still breathing-- brothers in arms, strangers in a different land, but bound forever.

A great piece.

[J. Land]

Thank you, Jack!

[C. Rose]

"Sun's greenish stare" is intriguingly out of the ordinary, and convinced me to keep reading.
Favorite line: Cold whose fingers hovered closely all along
Well done.

[J. Land]

Thank you for reviewing. This poem is quite personal for me. I'm glad you liked it.