Without Me

I just let go.

There was nothing to be afraid of. We were in the middle of nowhere; there wasn’t anything I could have done. Luke sipped a beer on the porch. Sarah - was she his girlfriend? Was walking towards the van. With a little wave back, she got in. The headlights went on and dust flew up as the van roared away, carrying all our friends away, far away from here. Carrying Sally and Tully and Hugh. I thought I could hear strains of music from the open window as the vehicle shrunk, smaller and smaller, until it was just a pair of bright red dots on the horizon. The road led straight from this house to the rest of the world.

Luke turned to me. “You’re still here.”

“Yeah,” I answered him. “I like it here. Is that okay?”

He nodded and motioned for me to sit down beside him, so I walked over.

The couch had retained some of the heat of the day, some of that thick, spicy heat that had illuminated and permeated everything, retreating now that the sun had gone down.

“Want a beer?”

“No thanks.” I declined.

“Want some music?”

I shrugged. “Why not.”

Luke got up and slouched toward the dusty CD player. “I think this also has a radio function…” he twiddled around for a while. I watched the condensed water run down the beer he’d put on the small table next to the couch. After achieving some static, a clear sound came from the player. Country music? How fitting.

“I know this one!” Luke straightened up. I looked at him, and he was grinning. Suddenly, he jumped down the few steps of the porch onto the dusty earth of the yard. As I watched, he started to hop, skip and dance around in little circles, flicking his fingers around as if he was holding a guitar. “Turn it up a bit,” he called to me.

I laughed and went over to the player, turning up the volume. After watching Luke do his crazy dance for some time, I found myself unable to stop smiling. Here we were. Miles away from anyone else.

“I’ve been thinkin’ about going to the woods,

Lately, I think maybe I should,” Luke sang along. He seemed lost in his own world, not caring.

“What’s the song called?” I asked.

“Without Me, by John Fealy.”

Then he sang some more. I sat down on the porch steps and watched him. I could barely make out his silhouette, as the sky was darkening steadily now.

“Oh, what would you do,

What would you do?

What would you do,

Without me?”

The song ended on a lasting, acoustic chord. Luke stopped. I could hear his heavy breathing and I was sure that he would be soaked in sweat, hot as it still was.

“Turn on the porch light, love,” he called from the near-darkness. “Then come join me. It’s fun.”

“If you say so,” I smiled, and went inside to turn on the lights.

He’d never called me love before. He’d never called anyone love before. It was unlike Luke to, and yet, it was unlike me to accept it in this way. What strange people the night made of us, I thought.

The next song was one that Luke couldn’t recognise, though much in the same style. The wind was starting to pick up a little. I couldn’t see any of the surrounding bushlands. The house and its bright windows, and the porch light shining on a circle of red earth in front of it - that was the world now, that was all that existed. The music played only within this little circle. It was for our ears only. We danced - sometimes holding hands, sometimes apart. Sometimes with air guitar and banjo. Neither of us had thought to bring any real instruments.

I forgot a lot of what happened that evening - just snatches remain now, crazy, blurred photographs. At one point I asked Luke if Sarah was his girlfriend. He shrugged and said he didn’t know. I asked him if he loved her.

“I’m crazy about her,” he said, and took a sip of beer. For some reason, this made me laugh. On, and on. I must have laughed for hours. We danced to the music.

“It’s my mixtape,” he told me after the fourth song. “But I don’t know what’s on it. A friend gave it to me.”

I don’t know if I ever picked up any alcohol. But I must have.

I took off my shoes, and he took off his, and we threw them into the darkness beyond the circle of light. We laughed and thought we’d never find them again. Then we danced with bare feet. It was painful, as the yard was full of small stones and twigs. Luke took off his shirt and wrung it out before putting it on again. I tightened the shoulder straps of my dress. They kept slipping, I found. We danced on and on.

And suddenly, we didn’t dance anymore. We were too tired. I don’t think either of us thought to turn off the music. I fell asleep on the couch on the porch. The last thing I remember is Luke, patting me lightly on the head, before he downed his beer and lay down on the hard, wooden floor.

In the morning, it was all over and the world had grown again to the horizon. I woke up and, stepping over him, I walked slowly to my car and drove back to the outside, barefoot. 

Author's Note

Song and lyrics are not mine. I merely wrote this piece inspired by it - go check out his music, it's actually really good :) thanks for reading!

Reviews

[Briana]

This was interesting. There are a lot of questions here. Did she have feelings for him? It certainly seemed so. Were they returned? That's up in the air. "I just let go" was a gripping opening sentence that set the pace and scene for the reader right away. The dialogue here is smooth, beautiful, and effortless. I'm highly impressed. The reader doesn't NEED context, doesn't NEED to be told who the characters are or why they're dancing together all night long. This story speaks on its own. Very well done.

[bluejay]

thank you so much!! it means a lot to me :)