Courtesans, reveling in me rejuvenating me With cold hands Twisting my soul And tearing my morality. Hiding underneath their Bauta masks ravishing carousal so merry in time
The dark feel is there, which I think is what you were going for. Very cryptic, and I love cryptic stuff. I like the extended metaphor of carnivals and the realm of sin. Kudos, brother.
JE
Very lovely, deep, metaphorical piece. I reread it 3 or 4 times to try to grasp the concept but it can be taken in many ways and I like that about it. Good job.
To every man upon this earth Death cometh soon or late. And how can man die better Than facing fearful odds, For the ashes of his fathers And the temples of his Gods? more..