Vase, the Facts

The classic Boy versus Girlfriend's Mother's Vase scene.

 

Vase, the Facts

            By Sara Heistand        

 

            Characters

Robin, a young man

Susan, a young woman

Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson, Susan’s parents

 

            Scene

There is a young man, ROBIN sitting anxiously on a plastic-covered couch in an overtly retro-looking and thoroughly clean living room. He’s drumming his fingers on his legs and looks over his shoulder every other moment toward the door behind him. There is a vase sitting on the coffee table in front of him. The young man yawns and stretches dramatically and almost kicks the vase over. He jumps and settles it as angry voices float in from the kitchen. The young man listens intently and silently.

 

MR. JEFFERSON: He cannot stay here!

MRS. JEFFERESON: Absolutely not!

MR JEFFERSON: He’s dirty!

 

ROBIN smells himself, winces and understands with a cordial nod of the head—yeah, okay.

 

MRS. JEFFERSON: Disgusting!

MR. JEFFERSON: He’s impolite!

 

            ROBIN makes a rude gesture behind his head towards the door.

 

MRS. JEFFERSON: Demoralizing!

MR. JEFFERSON: And worst of all!

MRS. JEFFERSON: Yes!

 

      As ROBIN hears MR. and MRS. JEFFERSON’s voices come closer, he jump and hides in front of the couch and below the coffee table, out of sight of the couple. A young woman, SUSAN follows her parents into the room. MR. JERFFERSON smells the air.

 

MR. JEFFERSON: He’s here!

MRS. JEFFERSON: I knew it!

 

            ROBIN still hides behind the couch, lingering for some hope. SUSAN rushes forward, shielding the couch though ROBIN is clearly plain in sight. Dramatically, she explains.

 

SUSAN:  You don’t understand!

ROBIN: Eh?

SUSAN: I love Robin’s company! He’s a good guy, really.

ROBIN: Eh.

MR. JEFFERSON: Get him out of here, Susie!

            MRS. JEFFERSON peeks around SUSAN, keeping a hawk’s eye on ROBIN, who begins to stand in a flourish. MRS. JEFFERSON jumps towards him, knowing what is about to happen.

 

ROBIN: Look, I—Oh!

 

            The vase falls over. ROBIN looks down on it, barely masking for a moment the look of glee on his face.

 

MRS. JEFFERSON: My baby!

ROBIN: Now, Mrs. Jefferson—

 

            MRS. JEFFERSON rushes at ROBIN but falls to the floor in tears, picking up scattered pieces of the once delicate vase. MR. JEFFERSON walks to her and drapes an arm across her back, taking her away from the scene towards the door they entered from.

 

MR. JEFFERSON: Tell him, Susie!

 

            MR. and MRS. JEFFERSON exit. SUSAN stands in shock, but throwing a rude gesture behind her towards the door.

 

SUSAN: How did—how could—Robin?

ROBIN: Me?

SUSAN: I’m trying to help you out and you pull something like that—

ROBIN: I didn’t try to!

SUSAN: That vase—

ROBIN: I tried to stop it!

SUSAN: Was my father’s exwife’s. My mother’s been trying to kill it for years.

ROBIN: Oh. Well then.

 

            The young couple makes dewy eyes at each other and as SUSAN turns to leave…

 

SUSAN: You can crash on the couch.

 

            SUSAN exits and ROBIN is beside himself with glee.

 

CURTAIN

 

 

Reviews

[Colleen C Dunphy]

interesting, i had no idea where that was going in the beginning. it was short, but it held my attention the whole time.