Solitary

A Poem by Angelstears

Lying alone thinking of a face,
a feeling, a desire,
my hands, pale in the light, reach out
and press the pillow close.
Resting my head upon its softness
wishing that I didn’t sink into the feathers.
Wishing that I could hear a heartbeat,
feel it gently rise and fall,
breathe in,
breathe out.

I clutch at him,
hugging him tightly.
He moulds into the contours of my body.
A sigh escapes these lips.
Longing for a pair of arms to encircle me,
to return my yearning embrace.
Imagine a pair of legs to twine around mine.
When I look up I want to see
A neck, a face, two lips, a nose,
a pair of eyes gazing down at me.

I hold him,
he loses his shape.
My eyes flicker open,
a wall, a headboard.
The pillow is dropped and watched
as it slowly expands,
returning to its familiar form.
I turn my back on it coldly, cursing the reality
that it will never be alive.
That it could never be him.