Turn

A conversation between me and my conscience. I had written it the night before a Chemistry exam (Don't bother asking how I went in it. Lol) so as to both experience and capture the feelings of being pressurised.

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

BOOM goes the clock.

Before you know it

Your time has run out.

Waiting, hoping,

Dreaming, screaming, wanting to shout.

I know I'm not good enough.

"So why did you do it?"

Because I'm an idiot!

Stupid, Selfish,

Painful...Drama.

If only I could

Turn

The timer around

To the place where sense was found.

"Sense?" Jim tells me. "Pfft, you lack it."

In the hollow knowledge

Of my genetics.

 

Why couldn't life be

SIMPLE ("You already are!")

Taking the teachings you were born to do

Instead of screaming

BLUE MURDER

Of how life was cruel to you

"Shame, it must have dealt you a bad clue."

Shut up, cricket, or I'll s**t on you!

...

...

...

Like surgery in one's fragile soul,

Drawing details

Of Turning your pace.

 

 

 

Author's Note

In this poem, I talk to myself and have sarcastic arguments with my conscience, who takes the form of a cricket, representing Jimmeny Cricket from 'Pinnochio'. There are also some play on words, such as the last stanza: "Of Turning your pace." Over here, the word 'Turning', capitalised to show its importance, means two things. (1) turning, as in, literally turning your body around to face another direction, and (2) turning the hands of a clock backwards and going back in time, to where 'sense was found', i.e., where I made the mistake in the first place.
The poem talks about the possibility of my taking the wrong academic subjects, and that right now, as we speak, I am going on for the wrong profession.

Reviews

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Mr. Misanthrope,

As did the rest of your reviewers, I also greatly enjoyed your piece. Having conversations with one's self is not uncommon. Now I'm sure everyone's inner struggles take on somewhat different forms. When I'm thinking things through, while generally there is definitely a "conversation" going on, it doesn't seem to me that there are two individuals talking even if contrary and opposing positions are being thought through. However the use of conversation to resolve positions has deep cultural roots in both Eastern and Western philosophy, certainly made famous in Plato's Socratic dialogues and the Eastern dharmic dialectics of the Mahabharata. So this type of thinking seems to be deep rooted into Man's being.

Regarding criticism of the poem, the only minor point I would raise is that if you want the nature of the parties holding the conversation in your head to be more well defined, I'd spend a few more words in painting them. The "cricket" nature of one of the speakers comes as a bit of a surprise and it would be better for the poem to make this clear rather than to rely on notes. (Even though I am a big believer in notes for poetry, I try to restrict the notes to explaning aspects of the poem that might need deeper familiarity with the material than would be expected of the general reader. For your audience here, most will be familiar with Jiminy Cricket. So only a few words are needed to set the stage.)

A very nice write. Greatly enjoyed.

Best regards,

Rick

[Amanda]

this is an interesting 'turn' in the events of one's conversation with one's self....the mind is tricky at times and can play tricks on us to try and make you feel that you are doing the wrong or even right thing. there is nothing wrong, mind you, with talking to youself...i do it all the time...lol. it seems that the hardest conversation a person has is with yourself and you are more critical of that than anyone can ever be.

you have a good write here and it makes a lot of sense in the scheme of one's subconcious mind....


Always,

Amanda

[Lady Lazarus.]

amazing.
such a convincing example of conversation that you think its two people.
our minds are like that though.a million different possible people and its our choice who we agree with.
masterful.

[Ebs]

I think it was written wonderfully. Very unique style. Not a lot can be done to improve it. Though i don't feel Drama in the 12th line is the best word to use. It doesn't seem to flow with the rest of the song.

Good write

Ebs

[Angelic Darkness]

I'm glad I read your authors note, because I was having trouble understanding it.
I believe we all argue with ourselves, as I've heard many a time, "we are our
worst enemies." I enjoyed this read, and am impressed of you being only
seventeen, and seem so mature in your words. AD

[Blue Sky]

Your piece is quite excellent
to be able to reveal your inner thoughts/conscience
to sharing it all with your readers! very nicely done!

[.]

I liked it. I did think, that even with your explination of the last stanza, it was a bit hard to understand. I get the meaning of it, but the visual componant was a little fuzzy.

I also think that line's 14 "Turn" and line 15 "The timer around" would read easier as one line.

Other then those two things. I think it was a really great musing about oneself and how their own inner mind will argue with them.

Very Nice

Tara

[Toki]

a poetic twist on a question everyone asks themselves. Am I going in the right direction? A very well written inner struggle. Excellent job!

[Arwen]

a very nicely done piece of poetry. it made me chuckle anyway. it does seem as if you are fighting an unseen being. very well done :-)

[Beautifully_Anarchist]

I really like it, smart, expressive, and so honest, brutal even and at time it even made me chuckle. Sometimes you just feel like you can't do anything right don't ya? Very well done