Turn

A conversation between me and my conscience. I had written it the night before a Chemistry exam (Don't bother asking how I went in it. Lol) so as to both experience and capture the feelings of being pressurised.

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

BOOM goes the clock.

Before you know it

Your time has run out.

Waiting, hoping,

Dreaming, screaming, wanting to shout.

I know I'm not good enough.

"So why did you do it?"

Because I'm an idiot!

Stupid, Selfish,

Painful...Drama.

If only I could

Turn

The timer around

To the place where sense was found.

"Sense?" Jim tells me. "Pfft, you lack it."

In the hollow knowledge

Of my genetics.

 

Why couldn't life be

SIMPLE ("You already are!")

Taking the teachings you were born to do

Instead of screaming

BLUE MURDER

Of how life was cruel to you

"Shame, it must have dealt you a bad clue."

Shut up, cricket, or I'll s**t on you!

...

...

...

Like surgery in one's fragile soul,

Drawing details

Of Turning your pace.

 

 

 

Author's Note

In this poem, I talk to myself and have sarcastic arguments with my conscience, who takes the form of a cricket, representing Jimmeny Cricket from 'Pinnochio'. There are also some play on words, such as the last stanza: "Of Turning your pace." Over here, the word 'Turning', capitalised to show its importance, means two things. (1) turning, as in, literally turning your body around to face another direction, and (2) turning the hands of a clock backwards and going back in time, to where 'sense was found', i.e., where I made the mistake in the first place.
The poem talks about the possibility of my taking the wrong academic subjects, and that right now, as we speak, I am going on for the wrong profession.

Reviews

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Mr. Misanthrope,

As did the rest of your reviewers, I also greatly enjoyed your piece. Having conversations with one's self is not uncommon. Now I'm sure everyone's inner struggles take on somewhat different forms. When I'm thinking things through, while generally there is definitely a "conversation" going on, it doesn't seem to me that there are two individuals talking even if contrary and opposing positions are being thought through. However the use of conversation to resolve positions has deep cultural roots in both Eastern and Western philosophy, certainly made famous in Plato's Socratic dialogues and the Eastern dharmic dialectics of the Mahabharata. So this type of thinking seems to be deep rooted into Man's being.

Regarding criticism of the poem, the only minor point I would raise is that if you want the nature of the parties holding the conversation in your head to be more well defined, I'd spend a few more words in painting them. The "cricket" nature of one of the speakers comes as a bit of a surprise and it would be better for the poem to make this clear rather than to rely on notes. (Even though I am a big believer in notes for poetry, I try to restrict the notes to explaning aspects of the poem that might need deeper familiarity with the material than would be expected of the general reader. For your audience here, most will be familiar with Jiminy Cricket. So only a few words are needed to set the stage.)

A very nice write. Greatly enjoyed.

Best regards,

Rick

[LaughingBuddha]

I can relate so much to this struggling inner-dialogue! Well written.

[C.C. Marx]

Great job! I like how the poem is a conversation with yourself...people think some interesting things and you've given us insight on what you were thinking lol :)

[Robert Haigh]

I always hated exams! I was pretty good at most subjects, but often went to pieces under the pressure of exams...I frequently ran out of time before answering all the questions!

This is an inventive and entertaining write, making for a good, enjoyable read.

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Mr. Misanthrope,

Looking at your piece again. Very nice. And looking too at what I wrote before and baffled at how I addressed you. Please forgive. Don't understand what that was about, but I was obviously very confused. Corrected that, at last!

Anyway, the subsequent read goes much the same way, i.e., this is a very nice piece and was greatly enjoyed. I'm bumping the rating up a few notches as this is hitting me more squarely in the center of my gut this time. Love it, in fact.

Well conceived and executed writing of which you should be proud.

Kudos, and best regards,

Rick

[futurepast.]

I've been there, and I hate this feeling .. especially on the eve of an exam when I ask myself if I made the right choices, or what if I had been more serious the whole term, without forgetting the ultimate want to turn back time.
You had a wise way with the 'Turning' one.
Nice write.

[Lilly]

I hate this feeling. It is well portrayed in your words here. A clever way of writing about it too - a discussion with your concscience...

Hope it works out!

Great poem.

[Norma M Sutton]

LOL Been there done that. Hope you get it all figured out. Nice write.

[Michael X]

you have an awsome way of crafting cliches to feel original and thats a testament to your talent. the jewel of this poem is the form. the hinderance is the choppy flow...its passionate but loose. to be honest, it was too loose for me to read the wole way through, but thats just personal taste, keep up the great "emphasis"