An Experience

 "My heart?" I ask.

"Your heart." He says.

"And I'm dying?" I ask terrified.

"Yes, You are dying." He explains emotionless, "And there's been no complaint from you thus far. In fact, there's been no complaint from anyone in the world about you. You are on the good side of everyone in your life. There's not a single person that hates you. There's not a single reason to be disappointed in yourself. Not one. Yet, you are dying. You are killing yourself. It's true. Every day you look in the mirror and everyday you see your make-believe flaw. Everyday you eat your insides out until there's nothing left to give. Every day you go to sleep feeling like s**t."

I sit. A moment of silence.

"You like it, don't you?" He asks.

"Like what? Me dying?" Confusion escaping with my voice.

"No, no, destroying yourself... manipulating yourself... degrading yourself.." He continues, "Defiling your very being every chance you get. You like it! You like the evil you think during the day. You like the crazy thoughts I say during the day! You like the thoughts of death! Every day! Every day a new death!"

"But I don't! I don't want that! I don't like that!" I countered. "That's absurd! It's... it's wrong... and -"

"Exactly!" He cuts in. "You think all about my thoughts for you. You think how wrong it is, how immoral it is, you even think you're crazy for thinking these! But it's just me talking! Your old pal. Nothing I say to you is a lie. It's what I'm here for, the truth."

"No! You don't have any reason to be here!" I shout terrified.

"Do I not?" He pauses, "If I wasn't here, would you still be here?"

"Well yeah, of course!" I exclaim with the least bit of confidence.

"Oh well yeah! Of course! He mocks. "I'm your flaw. I'm a part of you! If you didn't have me you would be perfect and that's something no one can be, right? No one on this earth can be perfect. I'll throw in some wild emotions for you. I'll twist people's words for you. I'll make you focus on the illegitimate lies rather than foundational truths, so you will feel like you're no better than anyone else around you."

"Well... what can I do about it? My heart and all..." I ask with no hope in sight.

"You can do nothing..." He contemplates for a moment and continues, "You want nothing."

"What!?!" I jump to my feet, "How can you say that when I just asked for the cure!"

"You thought me to say that." He now takes a seat. "And you never said you wanted a cure. You asked if there was anything you could do about it, and yes Talon, there is. You can do nothing. It's worked for you thus far. You have yet to kill yourself."

"Of course I won't kill myself! What kind of statement is that?!?" Bewildered, I pace. "I live. I am living. Right now. It would be nice to get the hell out of this s**t hole but I don't know what's on the other side of the fence. What's it going to be like when I've gone and taken my life? I don't have an answer and I don't have enough faith in myself or anything else to get one. I live my life to find the answer to what happens in the next life."

"So you've thought me up"

"So I've thought you up. So I've thought you up?"

"Yes." He explains. "You've lived your life on the good side of the fence. You've taken the fall when you've needed to. You've hugged the people that needed hugged. You've given to give and never took a thing. You've played your talents well. You've scored the highest. You've been shelved for good behavior. You've thought me up so you can find the flaw in your life. You've thought me up to have an evil inside of you. And it turns out, you created your own evil Talon. I sit here and talk away and you listen. But now you're questioning. That's good, but you're messing with your mind now. You're diving into the pits of your soul where very few people like to venture to. That's where the answer lies. The catch. The further you go, the more your heart hardens. You are slowly shutting the world out as you climb inside yourself. It'll be just me and you, and you'll love it, almost as much as you hate it. Because with a hardened heart, you sense no loneliness but you do experience it."

I sit.

"It's hard to say what you'll do next though" He continues, "Now that you have this valuable information. You've always been pretty untraceable. I don't even know what you'll do, and I'm inside your head. So maybe you will destroy me eventually and have the unique experience of your soul with the freedom to come and go. But right now, it's my job to keep you in. Keep you and your emotions locked up. I'm thought to be here, to keep you here, and that's what I'm going to do. You don't lie. I don't lie. Who's right?"

 

Reviews

[Lauren Marie]

This was a very thought-provoking read.
Usually I'm not one to like the lack of description, but the little you have is the perfect amount in this case.
Great read!
It will be shelved on my virtual library!
~Lauren