Death Shall Die

Something I wrote in 8th grade for a Power of the Pen practice session...

 

The rain poured and the thunder roared. I held my sword high, not even sweating from the long hours my twin brother and I had dueled. Dueled to decide the fate of the world. The future of billions rested on my shoulder, and I had no intention of letting them down. And the rain poured and the thunder roared.

“I AM DEATH! I AM DESTRCUTION! I AM ALL THAT IS EVIL IN THE WORLD! You CANNOT defeat me!” he screamed at me across the battlefield, half mad. I couldn’t let him end the world.

As he was laughing I replied, “If you are death, then death shall die.” We raced towards each other, my short white hair and his short black hair matted down with rain. I sent a silent prayer to my Father for victory.

All of a sudden, we were both in fighter planes. I grabbed the joystick and raced towards to my brother. Pulling the trigger, I fired a missile at my evil twin. I heard him laugh on my radio. He simply dodged it. He fired two missiles back and I did a barrel-roll to my left and while I rolled I let fly three more missiles. The rolled and spiraled, each making a random arc for my kin. My brother sent out three missiles, they collided with my own, making three huge explosions. BOOMBOOMBOOM!

When the smoke cleared, we were both on motorcycles, still racing towards each other. He whipped out his submachine gun and I pulled out my two handguns. Instantly he let fire a wave of bullets, but his shots were wild. A few bounced on my metallic silver bike, but most missed. I took more careful aim and all my bullets hit. They hit his bike however. I didn’t touch him.

Then the battlefield changed again. We were in our true forms. I spread my feathery, angelic wings and sped off towards my brother. Drawing my weapon, The Holy Blade Evangeleon, I was a glittering silver streak against the sky. My other half drew the Sword of the Seven Deadly Sins, and his was a poisonous streak, as black as death. As black as his heart. Our silver and black streaks danced across the sky, doing a dance only the two of us knew.

The heavens churned as our blades clashed. I charged at him, swinging my sword. He blocked all my attacks with ease. I fell back, parrying his blows. Leaping back a step I pointed all ten of my fingers at him. ‘I have to stop him, he’ll end the world if I don’t,’ I thought. Closing my eyes I felt the power flowing to my fingers. The rain poured and the thunder roared.

“Holy Beams! Heaven’s Threads!” I screamed. Ten beams of bright, holy energy fired from my fingers and spread out in all directions. The wove and spiraled around each other, then changed direction and arced toward my foe.

My brother slashed his sword horizontally three times, sending out a wave of dark, black energy that swallowed my beams. I flew higher into the sky, until I was far above my brother. I made my right hand into a gun shape, my pointer finger pointing at my brother. His eyes widened in shock and he charged into the air after my. My left hand I used to steady my right.

“Highest Order of Holy Beams! Angel Chorus!” I screamed. All the energy in the air began drifting toward my finger. The sword bounced on my back, all the energy sending shockwaves throughout the sky. I fired.

My beam ripped through the sky. My brother raised his sword to try and deflect it. I pitied him. The beam connected his body.

“ARGH!!” he screamed as he fell through the sky. He hit the ground hard.

I unsheathed my sword, pulling it off my back. The threw the sword down at the Earth. My aim was true. It stabbed straight through my brother’s body.

He screamed as his body simply faded away at the touch of the Holy Blade. There was an explosion of pure black energy.

I raised my hands, shielding my face, screaming, “God’s Saving Hand!” It activated a holy energy shield.

 

When I reached the ground, I picked up Evangeleon. I heard a deep booming voice sound from everywhere. It was the voice of the Devil himself.

“You may have won the battle, boy!” he spat, “But we shall win the war in the end.”

“This is how it always ends,” I said to myself.  “In the end? We’ll see, and we won’t give up without a fight. On Judgment Day, Death shall die.” I felt a burning sensation behind my right ear, and unconsciously I moved my hand there, to my birthmark. Three sevens, and I knew my brother was feeling the same thing behind his ear, on the three sixes that was his birthmark. I knew I would see my brother again, and soon. Hoping against hope, I hoped that the next time would be the end of this madness. I sent a silent prayer to my Father. The sky had cleared up, and the sun was about to set. I spread my wings and flew off into the sky, happy this battle had ended in victory.

Reviews

[Sam Bates]

The first thing I can say is that I really enjoyed the story. A very cool idea, and one that I, personally, would like to see expanded into a series of short stories or a novella. Either way, it was very enjoyable to read.

Though it was enjoyable, it could still benefit from some editing. The good news: a quick proofread should bring to light some of the errors, because there is nothing major wrong with it. A few missing commas and a misspelling here and there are really all you have to worry about.

From your profile, I see you're a young writer, which is something I can relate to. If you don't mind, here's one more tip: Start trying to expand your vocabulary. Recently, the thesaurus has become a very close friend of mine. Here's an example why it's helpful: In paragraph eight, you said, "my pointer finger pointing at my brother." With the same word being repeated so soon after it was read the first time, it kind of breaks your focus and brings you out of the world and action you worked so hard to establish. It would have looked much better to say, "my index finger pointing at my brother."

Lastly, I must say I'm impressed at your quality of work, considering you wrote this while you were in the 8th grade. Very good. I see a lot of potential in your writing. Keep at it and you'll only get better. Practice makes perfect, as they say. I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future. Cheers!