Saturn

i was trying write a song but i wrote a poem instead

 

Saturn

 

Peering inside the telescope

A hidden treasure in space

A planet next to the moon

Without a smile on his face

 

Saturn with a hidden note inside

Taking a detour across

The gloomy skies

Apollo 13 has nothing on me

Showing off his jewelry

To the universe he sings

 

A lane around the top

With a ring on his finger

Grinning with gray holes

in the middle

Mystery aligns with the stars above

Wondering if this planet has people like us

 

Author's Note

holla at your boy

Reviews

[Katrina]

there's something about this one that i can't place my finger on, but it's really quite beautiful.

xxx

[Keira]

wow. this is good. your poems are very deep. i like it :)

[poddar kushal]

"Saturn with a hidden note ..." it is almost too perfect. the poem has given a mute planet a toungue to speak

[C.B.]

I read it because Saturn's my favorite planet, but I didn't expect something like this. I really love your imagery. I especially love the lines, "A lane around the top/With a ring on his finger" it's awesome personification.

Great job!

[*** Hey Jude***]

I love astronomy, and am inamored with our solar system. The way you have expressed the what you see and "feel" takes me away to Saturn, as you describe this unique planet~ Jude xo

[Genie]

I love Saturn the planet, and this is a great tribute to and insight into the mysteries with which it is ringed. You've found some original images and metaphors to make this unique space body even more so -- good job!

[None]

I like how you made Saturn take on a living role here with notes, jewelry and singing. The knowledge and the fun mixed together make this a great write. You could make it into a song by adding a chorus having Saturn explain "why he's so big and bad, putting the other planets to shame" or something like that. hahaha. I love Astronomy and I'm captivated!

[Jeremiah Medina]

This is a very cool poem. Incredibly visual. I love space and this is a great write. Thanks for the read man.

[Melody P-]

This is great;) I've not heard Saturn put into such wonderful context..your words quite intriguing** I love the line, "To the universe he sings"
powerful-
also you covering the mystery aspect brings me to that wonderful state of wondering**
Great Write!

[Wolfwind Words]

That was a very well writen tribute to one of the more mysterious planets in our solar system.
I liked it, it flowed well and sparked my imagination to dream and wonder about other peoples on other probable planets.
Great job!