The Girl Who Turned To Stone

What she wants you to know

She was a pool: placid, pristine.

Rippling at the very kiss of a breeze;

And during a storm, gusty and strong,

As passionate as Miss Simone’s Songs.

She took to Woolf, Pamuk and Camus

Captive in a torrid rendezvous

Life was her debut and Poetry her ball,

Till her untimely curtain call.

Now she is a stone: sterile, square

She dislikes flowers in her hair,

She dies eight hours a day,

Four hours she travels her weary way.

Working a job at a big stone cage

Swallowed alive by a corporate macrophage.

Records and films, lay dead, dusty, idle,

A pool turned to stone mid ripple.

Reviews

[Gaia Octavia]

I really like this! Particularly its clear yet subtle message and the last 4 lines. I actually really like how the last line isn't a perfectly fitted endcap to sell the piece. I think it lends to the importance of (and longing for) artistic and emotional freedom. No need to fit the lines in a "stone cage" ha ha! Well done ☺

[Lee Bakes]

Haha! yes sometimes you just want to make stuff work because theyre what get the job done the best way right? thank you for your feedback and time Gaia!!

Lee

[Diane]

*claps*
It was all good the last part personally is my fav.
It flowed really well and kept we reading.

[mayjbird]

"she dislikes flowers in her hair" feel very personal and gives dimension to your character. I'm attracted to the diverse cultural references and the opening alliteration. Great piece.

[Lee Bakes]

Thanks so much mayjbird! appreciate it!!

[William Liston]

Wow. This poem has a strong emotional impact, and the imagery is almost too vivid. I could feel each word. Also, you had an excellent transition from the first stanza to the second. Great job.

-William Liston

[Lee Bakes]

Thanks a lot for your time and feedback William :) Im so glad you liked it.

[mou]

"Working a job at a big stone cage
Swallowed alive by a corporate macrophage."
Wonderful!
Your words are quite strong and hit the thought vibrantly.
Thanks for sharing.

[Lee Bakes]

So glad you feel that way moo! Thanks for reading :)

[Whoreable]

I love this!! Your meaning/intent is clear but subtle. I interpreted this as a commentary on the modern economy, and how being forced to work long, meaningless hours has sapped people of potential and spirit. I found the third and fourth lines a little awkward, I didn't think the adjectives gusty and strong worked very well rhythmically. The last line is lovely

[Lee Bakes]

Thanks so much for the honest review. :)

[kristollini]

I am particular about the poems I like in that they have to keep my interest and flow well for me to fully enjoy them, and I have to say that yours did both for me! The alliteration and imagery via the use of descriptive adjectives and verbs gave this poem so much vividness, personality, and movement. It was also a happy surprise to find that this would be a rhyming poem because so many poems like this end up being more free verse (in my experience, at least), which I am not as drawn to.

I particularly enjoyed the last lines of each stanza - the wordplay, imagery, and emotions behind those lines made me go, "ooh NICE" and give mental nods of approval haha XD

The only criticisms I have are that some of the lines sound a little awkward in the syllabic flow (the first noticeable instance for me was going from the second to third line in the second stanza) and the last words in the last two lines don't *quite* rhyme to me (idle and ripple). If you weren't looking for criticisms though, then just focus on the first two paragraphs lauding your poem LOL.

[Lee Bakes]

Kristollini!
Thank you soo much for your review and words of encouragement! Im so happy that this poem did all these things for you!! And really im glad theres a second person that thinks that last line is a little out of place. I thought so myself but somehow was too stubborn to change it, because i wasn't really planning on it to be very rhythmic, so it was just unfortunate that that last line fell slightly out of place. Thanks for your feedback! i look forward to more of it!
Lee

[Roland Petrov]

Yes, a corporate job can do that to you. Very well written, Sir. Very clever that Lee Bakes and writes too! I have just published my first book, a cookbook!

[Lee Bakes]

I implore you, please call me Ma'am if you must :D hahaha! Also, I now believe I have stumbled upon the right person!! I am obsessed with cooking and would love to read your book! Please tell me more about this!

[Roland Petrov]

Sorry Ma'am! It's called Delectable Dishes of Panamanian Cuisine, and it's available from lulu.com. I do love Indian cuisine a lot, though I tend to often cook my curries Sri Lankan style. When I go to Indian restaurants, my current favorite is vindaloo; I love the sourness along with the heat.

[Lee Bakes]

Pork or chicken, either way vindaloo is really one of the best curries! I agree :) I usually experiment with curries, especially from where I come from, the cuisine is a little different from mainstream indian cuisine, so the heat/spice/high sodium is not usually the main element haha! I will definitely look for your book! and would love to learn some tricks of your trade as well!! (maybe beginning with your recipe for a vindaloo? ;) haha)

[Roland Petrov]

So where do you come from? I'm really good with geography, so don't spare me! My favorite vindaloos are actually lamb and prawn, though pork and chicken are fine too. I have yet to cook a vindaloo at home, but now that you mention it, guess what? I will develop my own vindaloo recipe! Probably a combination of chicken, pork, and shrimp, something that worked well in my Panamanian recipe for Sopa Mayor Aleman (the misnamed German Major's Soup).

[Lee Bakes]

We must catch up about this recipe! now that I suggested your making it (and hence it will be the child of my suggestion that you try it), I technically co-share the rights for it haha! So you cannot refuse! However the comments section is not the most ideal place to discuss :P as i can see this as a long conversation, i will inbox you!

[r. f. jordan]

Dear Lee,
first of all i wanted to thank you for "subscribing" to these pieces i've posted on here. it is excellent, for me, to be entering into a communication exchange with someone as talented as you are. which brings me to my second point...this poem, of yours, is phenomenal. i love the alliterations, the flow, and the imagery. your references to the intertextual musings of others lands spot-on to me. and your use of macrophage is outstanding. your final image, of your last line, is a beautiful turn that highlights the title of your poem. please don't feel obligated to review me back, as i've been churning at high output, on a creative level, these past weeks. as a result i owe bunches of reviews and would like to catch up as an escape from all that is flowing through me these days. please keep your talents flowing on this site. regards, rfj...

[Lee Bakes]

Dear rfj
Thank you so much! the fact that you enjoyed my poetry and fully appreciated the little beautifications really touches me. So happy that you could understand the context as it is an important message and very close to myself. Thank you for your appreciation and yes I did subscribe to your work. I find your writing deeply insightful and a pleasure to read. keep 'churning out' more creative brilliance :)
Regards
Lee