Chapter 1: Another day, another creature

Chapter 1: Another day, Another creature

“No, seriously, how many more?”

Warnings: Vulgar language

25,567 days. F*****g 70 years since Heaven kicked her out. And for what? Using the free will God herself gave? Yeah, Lillian didn’t regret anything. She felt proud about it, not having to behave like a little angel. She loved it.

Well, right now she is being “forced” to live in this wasteland called the USA, which people call the greatest country. Ehhhh….. Not sure about that. Anyways, for the past 1,096 days, Lillian has been hiding among the humans. It was pretty easy since she has a human form. So that’s not a problem. She also knows how to act “normal”, so Lillian looks just like a normal human. She even got a job?! Suck on that God!! Even love was kind to her and gave her an amazing partner, but Lillian’s beloved is in… another realm.

Alright, enough about that. Sure, it looks like Lillian has found a good new life, but things can get rough when you can’t be in your true form. Why? Because Lillian is a seraph, that’s why. So most of the time, if she wanted to let herself out, she had to make a long a*s trip to the woods. I don’t know if it’s her or something about what she is, but her screams are some of the saddest, angriest, and most terrifying sounds anyone could ever hear. Imagine the sounds of a weeping woman, female rage, and bloody murder all combined, that’s the sound of Lillian.

If only… if only there was someone who… is also a creature like her, someone who isn’t from this world and hides in it. If only…

---

Pov of Lillian

“Let me get this straight before I start to tweak. You’re the reincarnation of the moon? Like, the actual Goddess?"

“For the 10th time, Y E S, I’m the Goddess of the moon. And if you don’t stop asking I’m going to give you a god-like kick in the a*s”

I don’t know what is with my encounters, but they turn out more weird every time. 1st one, I met a frickin FBI undercover, which I luckily behaved my best with. 2nd one was my darling’s dad, who I did not want to ever meet again. And now this, The Moon Goddess herself, right in front of my eyes. What’s next? A dragon or something?

This is so out of nowhere.

Anyway, let me go back a few minutes.

I was minding my own business, walking to my usual spot in the forest(Because normal humans totally do that), and Cyn just so happened to come down to earth at the same moment I was walking. So here we are, two in-human beings seeing each other for the first time. My first thought? Just looking at her dead in the eyes. No talking, no moving, just eye contact. 

After some agonizing 20 minutes of staring. Cynthia finally broke the silence. But skipping all the yapping, Cyn introduces herself, not like- “Hi there, I’m totally a human”, Nah, she knows I ain’t human, she isn’t stupid to believe a “human” would be in this specific spot of the forest.

End of POV

---

“Now that I’ve had the pleasure of introducing myself, might I kindly ask you to do the same, Lillian?”

“Wha… what?”

“Be a darling and show yourself”

“Uh- alright”

Lillian steps back, she hasn’t been in her true form since she became a fallen one. But it wouldn’t be a burden to be one again.

Alright, how did it go? Two fingers slide down, and make an eye sign… is she doing it correctly- OH!

Suddenly, the not-so-human human wasn’t there anymore. In its place now stood a new being, Not little fallen Lilli, no, this was Lillian.

The creature now stood at 12 feet tall, with three sets of wings at its sides. Each pair of wings has many little individual eyes. In the middle of it, was the center eye. Holy crap, Lillian felt powerful.

“Oh my, such a wonderful sight” Cynthia was quite amazed at this sight, and who could blame her, religious or not, the sight of an angel can amaze anyone(or terrify them-)

The seraph transformed back into her human form, damn, that certainly took some energy out of Lillian. It’s nice to know she won’t be using this form anytime soon.

---

Lillian decided to take Cynthia to her house. Since Cynthia didn’t have where to stay on Earth, these beings walked to Lillian’s house, getting to know each other on their way. But they weren’t alone, no, of course not, nothing can be peaceful. The king of the stars, Cynthia’s brother, Nox, was also here on Earth. Nox was tired of always trying to convince Cynthia to not go down, he believed the humans were degenerates who caused mayhem everywhere they went. So, he decided to stop begging and take action, today he wasn’t going to worry about Cyn down on earth, today He was going to stop this, once and for all.

Once the women were close enough, Nox revealed himself, stepping out of the pine tree. The “young man” as normies would describe him, is about 6’2, with milky white skin and sapphire blue eyes. His raven hair was put into a slick back. Definitely handsome- I mean, what?? Who said that?

Nox steps out of the pine, approaching Cynthia and Lillian.

“Ahem..”

Lillian turns around

“Wha-”

“Good evening ladies, it seems one of you needs to talk with me..”

“Did you seriously have to come down here?”

“Who…?”

“Oh, it was absolutely necessary, Cynthia”

“What the f**k is going on….???”

“What’s this? A human? You seriously made friends with an earth-commoner, didn’t know you had such low standards”

“HUMAN?! I’ll let you know what human is you big piece of shi-”

“CALM DOWN BOTH OF YOU!!”  

Cynthia preferred to not yell, but right now she needed to since the angel and the god looked like they were about to pull each other's hair if someone didn’t stop them.

“Thank you” smiles calmly “Let us introduce ourselves properly, shall we? Nox, this is Lillian, a former seraphim, not human, she is such a sweetheart. Lillian, this is Nox, my brother, and Ruler of the stars and nights”

“My apologies, Seraph” Lillian felt a shiver down her spine at the name “It appears I have gotten confused, a pleasure to meet you.” 

“Pleasure meeting you too, uhh.. Your majesty?”

“Nox, no need for formality”

“Right, sooo… why did you… you know, come down here??”

“I came here to have a lovely talk with my sister…, right Cyn?”

“Please excuse us for a moment, Lillian, I need to have a conversation with my brother”

Cynthia and Nox teleport a few yards away, the tension building up

“Why did you need me to talk with you?” asks Cyn, already knowing where this is going

“Cynthia, I’ve tried so many times, but you just dismiss me, and it’s getting tiring to keep up with your stubborn a*s”

“You know what they say ‘This a*s isn’t for anyone’” smirks

“Real mature, Queen of the moon”

“C’mon, it was good” nudges his elbow

After the conversation, which was more of just Nox arguing and Cynthia dismissing him, they teleported back to where Lillian was.

She was on her phone, well, more like a talking portal. She was talking to the only person she ever trusted more than anything, Capella, oh~ dear Capella, Lillian’s darling partner.

“How’s life up there, love? Anything interesting?”

“I met the gods of the moon,” says Lillian in the most dazed and nonchalant tone, as if meeting deities were as common as mowing the land.

“You what-”

“Hey Lillian we’re back!” Cynthia and Nox approach Lillian

“Call you back, Capella, I have to go” blows an air kiss and closes the portal

“Who was that?”

“My girlfriend!”

“You have a girlfriend? Cool”

“Yeah, anyways, what do we do now?”

“Back to what we were doing before this thing interrupted us”

“Excuse me-”

“Alright”

---

Home, 9:54 PM

Lillian just came back from buying two sleeping bags from Walmart. After setting up the place where her guests will sleep(more like Cynthia will sleep in here since Nox still doesn’t like Earth [just in case he changes his mind]) She goes to the kitchen and starts to cook some dinner.

While cooking dinner, Lillian gets a few little backlashes from when she was in heaven. One of those memories was when a new soul was entering Heaven for judgment, for a quick second, she saw a being in the form of a dragon, like a hybrid. Why was she thinking bout that right now? It was probably not that important.

“Ow…” Says in a not-so-painful tone

“Gosh darn it..” Lillian walks to the sink to rinse the burn, materializing a piece of bandage. She wrapped it around her finger and finished cooking.

“Uhh, dinner’s ready!”

Cynthia enters the kitchen, freshly showered and in a set of pajamas that she borrowed from Lillian. 

“Ooo, what did you cook? It smells delectable” She looks over Lillian’s shoulder 

“Pesto pasta, want some?”

“Sure”

Lillian serves Cynthia a dish of pesto pasta, the smell of the basil entering Cynthia’s nostrils. She grabs a fork and starts to dig in. She takes a bite and feels a sense of satisfaction at the taste of the pine nuts and parmesan cheese.

“Mmmm, so delicious, you’ve impressed me with your cooking skills Lillian”

“Thank you, thank you” Lillian serves herself a plate of pasta and sits down to eat.

After dinner, Lillian washed the dishes while Cynthia cleaned up the table.

Then, Lillian brings the sleeping bag to the living room and sets it up to make it comfortable for Cynthia.

“Thank you again for the hospitality, Lillian, it is an honor being a guest at your home”

“Pleasure’s all mine, Cyn. Also, you’re not a guest, you’re now an official living person here.”

“Oh, darling, I can’t accept that, It would be a bi-”

“Nope. The final decision, Cyn. You literally have no other place to go, not that I know of, and it saves you time.”

Calm sigh “Alright. Fine then, I’m your official roommate now”.

Reviews

[JayG]

First: Drop the crap font. It adds work to the reader’s job while providing nothing in return. It’s the equivalent of sprinkling on glitter and just gets in the way.

Second, and of more importance, while I support your desire to write, and entertain the reader, you’ve missed some critical points:

1. You cannot, cannot, cannot simply transcribe yourself storytelling. Why? Can the reader know the emotion YOU would place into the reading? No. So the narrator’s voice is emotionless. Can they know the elements of YOUR performance—the facial expressions; body language; and gestures that provide the emotional component of the performance? No again.

When storytelling, HOW you tell the story matters as much as what you say, because your performance replaces that of the actors. But NONE of your performance reaches the reader. And they certainly can't match it as they read your words.

2. The entire purpose of public education is to ready the student for employment and needs of adult living. And, what are employees mostly called on to write? Reports, letters, and other NONFICTION applications—which explains why you’re assigned so many reports and essays in school. Nonfiction’s goal? To inform the reader, using a fact-based and author-centric approach that you use here because it's the only approach you currently own.

Fiction’s goal? To entertain the reader by making them feel as if the events are happening to THEM, as-they-read. But how many teachers have even mentioned that such an approach exists?

Think about it. On the day you graduate, will you be ready to write a screen or stage-play, work as a professional journalist, or as a tech writer? Or, would you require more education in the realities and necessities of those professions? Now, apply that answer to the profession of Fiction Writing.

See the problem? They’ve been refining the skills of fiction for centuries. They’ve developed ways to make the reader NEED to turn pages, and identified the traps, gotchas, and misunderstandings that catch the unprepared. Look into that body of knowledge and you hook the reader and avoid the traps. Skip that step and you fall headlong into the most common traps—never noticing that you have. It's so common a problem that fully 75% of what's submitted to agents and publishers is rejected on page one.

In evidence, look at the opening, not as the all-knowing author, but as a reader must:

• 25,567 days. F*****g 70 years since Heaven kicked her out.

1. 25,567 days? Who cares? You opened your story with history, which is ALWAYS a mistake. Story happens, it’s not talked about, secondhand.
2. Kicked “her” out? She’s our protagonist and not important enough to have a name? You know who you mean. Your writing partners know. The reader? Not a clue. So, instead of talking ABOUT her, make the reader become her. Nothing else works.
3. 25,567 days? Would the story change if it were ten days less? A thousand? No? So who cares? Out is out, and the story should be taking place in the moment she calls, “Now.” Not presented as a history report by someone not in the story or on the scene.
4. "F*****g days?" How are they different from just “days?” It’s not a matter of “crude” language, it’s one of words that do nothing but slow the pace of the sentence. The fewer words used the faster the pace of the story. So make every word and sentence contribute, and chop what doesn’t.

• And for what?

Why are you asking the reader? As James Schmitz put it: “Don’t inflict the reader with irrelevant background material—get on with the story.” And that applies to rhetorical questions, as well.

• Using the free will God herself gave?

God? Which god? There are literally thousands. Never assume that the reader’s background and idioms match your own. Never assume that the reader has access to your intent for the meaning. They have your words and the meaning suggested by THEIR life experience, not your intent.

But that aside, what in the pluperfect hells are you talking about? As a reader, we don’t yet know where we are, what’s going on, or, whose skin we wear. From a reader’s viewpoint, someone unknown is talking about things for which that reader has no context, as-if-they-do.

Here’s the deal: In school you learned, and use, only nonfiction writing skills. Great for explaining and writing history books but useless for fiction. Not good news, I know, but true, non-the-less. To write fiction you need the skills the pros take for granted, because nothing else works.

And while that may sound like bad news, it’s not, because learning what you WANT to know is always interesting. And the practice is writing stories that you and the reader will like a lot better.

Try this: Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict is a warm easy read, and filled with things that will make you say, “But wait...that’s so, so... How in the hell did I miss something so obvious?” And that tends to being a smile...till the tenth time, when you find yourself snarling the words and pounding your head against the table. But still, keep at it. You’ll love that the professional skills make the protagonist feel like your co-writer, who whispers warnings and suggestions in your ear.

https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/gmc-goal-motivation-and-conflict-9781611943184.html

And for what it may be worth as an overview of the traps, gotchas, and misunderstandings awaiting the new writer, you might try a few of my articles and YouTube videos.

But...whatever you do, hang in there and keep on writing. It doesn’t get any easier, but with a bit of work, we can become confused on a higher level.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

- - - - -

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

“In sum, if you want to improve your chances of publication, keep your story visible on stage and yourself mum.”
~ Sol Stein

[Cool Cids Club]

Thank you for your thoughts on this chapter, we will definitely keep this in mind when we write future books and chapters.
-Oliver, CCC

[JayG]

You can't. It's not a matter of, "Instead of this, do that." You presently own none of the necessary tools.

As an example: Do you know what the role of the short-term scene-goal is? It's absolutely necessary. But if you don't know it ixists, and what it does...

Do you know the difference between a scene on the screen and one on the page—and why, on the page, it ends in disaster If not, how can you write a scene?

Things like Motivation-Reaction Units are at the heart of making a story seem real. But if you don't know they exist...

Do yourself a favor. Along with your writing partners, read that book I suggested. It's free to download. Then, every chapter or so, have a discussion about what you learned with your friends, on how it relates to your writing.

Without those skills, no matter your intentions, all you can do is use the nonfiction skills of school, which guarantee that it won't work.

Amd when you have sessions of looking at the writing, NEVER let the writer read it to the others. Thay'll place emotion into the story that only they know to do. Instead, have someone who hasn't seen it do the reading, to better hear what the reader will get.

Pretty much everyone begins writing with their school-day skills. I wasted years writing six always rejected novels. But once I learned of the problem, and dug into a more advanced book than the one I recommended (you're not ready for it yet), I sold my first novel a year later.

So, I can tell you from experience, that learning the necessary skills, as with any field, works.