The small things

She laughed at me. Laughed when i asked her out.

I have to question if i'm ugly? am i an idiot? I'm opening more doors of doubt.

Although, I did make her cry in laughter, maybe she thought it was another joke?

A tiny prick of pain, now an open migraine. I was hurt.

An abyss crawled over me, hugging me in comfort.

A whisper "you're not wanted" a squeeze at the throat.

there were two more later on. Guess The laughter catches on, but "Dust yourself off and try again" as the song goes,

Feeling smaller a man, the abyss says i'll be safe if i follow it home.

Tempting as it is, its Home is a place for eternal sleep.

Rest your head, relax. No need to think.

Its tempting. All is irrelevant now.
My mind has become foggy, the crowds are on mute daily.

Shutting out people is the new norm, too much talking drives me crazy,

Panic a little, must Focus on my breathing with eyes closed,

1 through 10, Open them. Do i feel better? helped a little i suppose.

I work in retail, people reading is a tailored skill.

One in particular, the "halo effect". I can tell you is real.

I see the glow and the smile, the long piercing stare.

I become the middle man, I get asked "who's that there?"

However witty or smart i am, no one bats an eye.

"Do not pretend, no one cares" the abyss replies.

The Family looks up to me, im always helping when i can,

And my girlfriend is the best. Loving me for what i am.

How we matched is a mystery. Shes just as crazy or my one time luck.

My flaws include gambling, inappropriate jokes, "hacking skills" and the need to f**k.

Do i gamble to feel a winner? Do i screw to feel wanted?

Life is a carousel and i'm the only one on it.

Theres more to life says a friend. Find your purpose, try something new.

..But that despondency named abyss, has finally come through.