Flatheads

A Story by NathanGarnder

Welcome to Earth, the only flat planet in the universe

“Welcome to Earth! Home of the Humans and the only Flat Planet in the Universe!”

The aliens looked at the buildings with such fascination.

They found themselves in Florida, a hot and damp place with everything from beaches filled with sand and tourists, to the long to be believed extinct alligator, though they were much smaller than the kind of their planets.

“As you can see,” The FlatHead says, “Earth is the only planet in this entire galaxy with flat things. The pressure on the other worlds is too weak in order to fully flatten something. But thanks to our gravity, we get that extra punch needed to flatten things.”

The FlatHead pulls out a Frisbee.

“Observe,” he says, and then throws it.

The aliens watch in awe as it flies off, eventually landing in the middle of the street.

“Not only our toys are flat,” the FlatHead says, opening the door to the FlatHeads HQ, “But so are a lot of things.”

He sits them down at the waiting room, the aliens' expressions filled with wonder.

“Look!” a smaller one says, “the floor is flat!”

The others muttered in agreement.

“I bet you're starving,” the FlatHead says, “allow me to provide you with some food.”

He brings in a large tray, stacked with pancakes, crepes, tortillas, all types of flat circular foods. And at the center of it all was a giant pizza.

“Earth cuisine,” the FlatHead says, “Enjoy!”

“But wait,” one of the aliens says, “How do you know the earth is flat?”

The other aliens muttered in agreement, waiting for an answer.

“Well,” the FlatHead says, “Many humans believe the earth is actually a circle, like a basketball or an orange. Many believe it’s flat, like our maps and our pancakes. But we can never really be sure of anything. I mean, I'm talking to aliens right now! How sure can you truly be?”