THE ICY VEIL - A Personal Experience

It's cold in there...why am I the only one to notice?

THE ICY VEIL

A personal experience.

Never in my miserable short life, I have ever suffered the cold like I did at that time.

 

No one had the same perception of the temperature as I did, everyone was wearing light clothing and regarded me with wonder when they saw me wrapped in uncountable blankets. Those were supposed to protect me from that late winter but they didn’t. The cold was piercing my bones like never before and I could do nothing about it, if not rely on my ability to forget about anything while focusing on writing.

 

Slowly I started to feel soreness along my whole body, it started with the legs, then the arms and finally, the heart. It started aching slightly until its constant beat froze and my lips turned blue.

 

I was the only one, however. Everyone around me was feeling alright, perhaps out of ignorance of the feeling, but there was nothing I could say for anyone to help me. There was nothing as cold as that house I used to live in, nothing as cold as the people that I lived with.

 

How, I wondered and still wonder, couldn’t others feel that unbearable northern wind blowing? It hit me over and over, like presumptuous snowballs, turning the skin on my hands into crumpled paper. Scarlet scratches were drawn on it as high ways that led the blood drops to an abyss.

 

And all that perceptible icy veil widespread in all the rooms. The walls were like arctic ice, the windows cracked and the flowers died in a few hours. I was sitting at my desk, writing this down to prevent the blood circulation from stopping, but it’s all worthless.

 

Worthless because this house is impossible to warm up, it has been this way since I remember. Not once I have felt completely warm and comfortable in it, if not during my sleep, or when the summers brought a few days of loneliness. It is not a perpetual fatal situation this one, no, I did manage quite a few times to stay warm. However, those moments did not last as long as I desired.

 

I inevitably ignore and forget the mistakes people make, but they never do that with me. I have come to realise that maybe that is a mistake itself, but the reason I do that is because I cannot have a care in the world about what other people want, say and do.

 

They are endless, the times I felt like a barbed wire shrouded my neck so tightly I could feel its spines in my voice. The old days are now gone, the barbed wire around my throat rusted, and everything is yes colder, but so is my new mind.

 

Ignore and forget. I have a life ahead of me, and it cannot be anyone else’s but mine, it cannot be dictated by imaginary morals and rules that someone invented out of jealousy and it cannot follow the schemes society laid for me.

 

The coldest house this town has ever seen is going to burn down, not a pyromaniac, not climate change, I will be the cause of that and I will make sure that everyone knows that.

 

And my bones might still be hurting but my head has finally had its warming.