No Offense

  I walk up to her. "Hi," I say. She totally ignores me. Oh, she's talking to Emma. I'll just wait.

  When she's done, she comes up to me. "Hey, no offense but Emma's a lot more popular than you. So could you just not come around me when I'm talking to her? I mean, no offense or anything, but she doesn't really like you She thinks you're a loser. It's not that I think that, but you aren't exactly popular. Do you get it?"

  Why do you seem to think saying "no offense" makes it okay to say these mean and horrible things? "Yeah, sure. I guess. So you're coming over after school today?" She grimaces. "Oh, about that... Carly just texted me. She wants me to come to her party. And no offense, but you're not exactly invited. You understand, right?" Oh, I understand. I understand that you're being a terrible friend!

  "Okay, so what about Friday? Can you come over then?"

   "Sorry, I'm spending the night at Tamara's house.

   How does she not know that these girls are just using her? Her parents are rich, she has everything, and they just want some of that! "Okay, so we'll just see each other at my birthday next week."

  "Oh... I forgot about that. I'm going to the mall with Emma. Sorry."

   How do you forget about that?

   "Yeah, and no offense but... Emma and Carly and Tamara don't really like you. They say you're ugly and stupid. I mean, no offense. It's not what I think. But you really should wear more makeup. And like, cover that big zit on your forehead. I mean, no offense, but you aren't that pretty."

   I can not believe she just said that!

   "Yeah, well no offense, but I thought you were my friend."

   "Okay, are you really going to be that selfish?"

   "Selfish? You think I'm being selfish? You just called me a loser, you're going to a party without me, picked going to the mall with Emma over my birthday, and said I'm ugly and that I need to wear more makup!"

   "Well when you put it that way!"

   "Put it what way? The way you said it?"

   "Look. Emma and Carly and Tamara are just a lot more popular than you. They're kind of harder to keep happy. You understand when I cancel or say I can't come!"

   "Three times in a row? And called me ugly?"

   "I never said you were ugly!"

   "Right, you said that I need to wear more makeup and that I'm not very pretty."

   "Well, it's the truth!"

   "You know what else is the truth? That you're a terrible friend!"

   "Whatever! I'm finding Emma! She understands this stuff!"

   "Yeah, well no offense, but nobody really likes you! They're just using you!"

   "Will you shut up? You don't know anything about how popularity works!"

   "Oh, I know enough! I know that you care more about popularity than real friends!"

   I just walk away. Let her find out that nobody likes her the hard way. Not my problem. And by the way, I never liked you much either. No offense.

Reviews

[Sarusai Hiryu]

Add a little more description and background.
Right now, the one jarring element is that we seem to hearing two disembodied voices ...no offense:P
Great theme. An amusing as well as deep piece

[Dakota]

Your plot is solid and I think it's worth fleshing out and continuing. With a few minor modifications to your dialogue this could go from a good, solid piece to a rather fine one. Don't stop writing! Give the pen up to the characters, let them speak through you. You'll find it comes much easier and flows smoother! :o)

[Jill Wallflower]

This is really good. Its so well written and flows really well. Good job :)

[Ian Faraway]

I have a problem with the way it started off. The conversations and some grammar problems seemed to be all put into one paragraph. And why would you put the last part in italics if you're conveying your thoughts throughout the piece anyways? Other than that,

[Coyote Poetry]

Some conversation have no where to go but worst and negative. A interesting conversation. No friendship made in these words. A very good story.
Coyote

[Symphony Snow]

I think it's very catching and it needs to be continued!
The dialogue is kind of redundant. That may be the point but I don't think it flows as well as it could.

[Calypso]

The flow needs to be better and the dialogue is too stiff, but the story is good.

[KAREN]

It's ashame that people really do treat others this way! A soild write!

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

This was a great story that ticked me off on how cruel some people can be! Well written!

[Brad]

bahahahahahaha...at least one knows where they stand with someone like that...