Power

This is a not as dark as my other poems.... Let me know what you think :)

Power

Money and power, power and fame

Too much of it, you'll go insane

People watching your every move

The publics eye you'll have to prove

****

Everything you do is under a microscope

Always being followed it's hard to cope

So you turn to drugs, pills and stuff

No matter what you do, it's never enough

****

When everything becomes too hard to bear

You loose your ability to love and care

Nothing in your world is pretty and nice

Everything beautiful turns to ice

****

All your left with is a tormented soul

Left inside of you is a big black hole

Is there a way to live a normal life?

With 2.5 children, a house and a wife

Author's Note

Ok..... might be a little dark but its as light as I like to write so fire away

Reviews

[José Humilde]

Very nice. When I read poetry, I like to see a nice flow, and you most definitely give a great example of it in this write.

I ran into a few problems/questions:

When everything (be)comes too hard to bear
You loose (should be "lose") your ability to (you need a word here to make it run a bit smoothly...i suggest "even?")care
Nothing in your word (did you mean WORLD? I just thought that would be a nice tangent to go on it as well) is pretty and nice. Everything beautiful turns to ice

Just some suggestions. Let me know what you think...or If I'm just a dummy. haha Thanks for the great read! :D

[Tina Kline]

Sometimes what you thought you wanted isn't what you wanted after all. I think this is a fantastic well written poem about that.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I was told to be careful for what I wish, but you taught us all why.
Nice job.

[S.W.]

I really love this. I find all your poems to flow well and really hit the reality check of whats going on in the world. Brilliant.

[A.Lee]

This is excellent. I think you captured this very well. My only criticism is this line "So you turn to drugs, pills and stuff" I think it needs one more syllable. I would insert an "AND" between drugs and pills. It'll make i flow a little better. Other than that I thin you did an awesome job. Nice work.

[Ryan Falzon - Tymon]

This poem really touched me...But I'd like to point out that money and power go hand in hand yes, but fame, IMO, is a different aspect. I could be wrong, mind you!

[LonelySoul]

with 2.5 children,a house and a wife,
Do all you can do to cope with life,
swim through the rivers of struggle and strife
and remember you're doing it for the 2.5 children,a house and wife,
walk the shore with those you adore,and live a happy life...LonelySoul

[EmpressPoetess]

Not dark at all, looks like the lives of so many people who think money enriches the quality of life, when in reality it's meditating on ways to show love to your neighbor, helping those with less, but most of all, being aware of your spiritual needs, that's where peace can be found. Very enjoyable write that makes you reallt think about what's valuable in life.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Wow - very melancholic but rings so true for many of us. Did you mean to say world instead of word in the second to last stanza? I likes. Thanks!
Light,
Siddartha