Power

This is a not as dark as my other poems.... Let me know what you think :)

Power

Money and power, power and fame

Too much of it, you'll go insane

People watching your every move

The publics eye you'll have to prove

****

Everything you do is under a microscope

Always being followed it's hard to cope

So you turn to drugs, pills and stuff

No matter what you do, it's never enough

****

When everything becomes too hard to bear

You loose your ability to love and care

Nothing in your world is pretty and nice

Everything beautiful turns to ice

****

All your left with is a tormented soul

Left inside of you is a big black hole

Is there a way to live a normal life?

With 2.5 children, a house and a wife

Author's Note

Ok..... might be a little dark but its as light as I like to write so fire away

Reviews

[José Humilde]

Very nice. When I read poetry, I like to see a nice flow, and you most definitely give a great example of it in this write.

I ran into a few problems/questions:

When everything (be)comes too hard to bear
You loose (should be "lose") your ability to (you need a word here to make it run a bit smoothly...i suggest "even?")care
Nothing in your word (did you mean WORLD? I just thought that would be a nice tangent to go on it as well) is pretty and nice. Everything beautiful turns to ice

Just some suggestions. Let me know what you think...or If I'm just a dummy. haha Thanks for the great read! :D

[Greg Skura]

Very Powerful Message! I like the way you get inside the mind set, and recognize the process that would lead to ones' own demise. Well done!

[mae-mae<3]

I love this! It's like... wow. You know? Great job.

[Jesse]

it's not dark

[Gandré]

the way is - when we stop wanting possessions, we breathe with ease. I liked your poem, it took me a while to read it, it is an important thought. I liked - You loose your ability to love and care
Nothing in your world is pretty and nice
Everything beautiful turns to ice--- those were my favorite lines. I liked this poem a lot. 100p

[Chris Lotus]

Well to mediate, I dont think this is dark at all. I think it rather moderate. Even in that state the message is brought through pretty clearly about. I have nothing to add otherwise being that some has already been stated in previous reviews. Keep it up!

[Aldora Sparrow]

I think this is a great poem, pointing out that having power, money, and fame isn't as great as most people believe.
Something is nagging me about the line "The publics eye you'll have to prove." I know exactly what you are trying to say, but it is awkward and I had to reread slowly it to fully grasp what you are saying.
Another one is "you (lose?) your ability to love and care." My mind automatically put in the work "even" in between "to" and "love." It emphasizes that love is such a quality that everyone has, but, with too much power, you lose even that fundamental part of life. That you cannot even care for your own wife and "2.5 children"
Poetry is meant to be read aloud. Try it and you'll find some places where to improve. Otherwise, nice work

[Anicca]

Very thoughtful piece about how life can turn in the most unexpected of ways... I took a lot from this. Thank you!

[Alice Oiseau]

Watch out for colloquialisms that hinder the poetic sound, "insane" and "stuff"
"Everything beautiful turns to ice" was a great line.
A lot of poets want to rhyme, but if you can't find a rhyme, it's okay.
"Big black hole" was a weak line. Big is a weak word.
Last line has some merit. There's this technicality about it that sets the standards in which we live. One finds that power is what will provide that "normal" life, and yet, nothing really brings it. Not power, not fame, not success, not luck. It's all a matter of the individual.

Those are my thoughts. Keep writing.

[Jade (insanity)]

I really like how most of your poetry flows so nicely :] And I love the rhyme.
The topic reminded me of the song "Hollywood W***e" by Papa Roach almost. Though yours was dark, and I enjoyed reading it.
Really great job,
Jade

[LisetteCanWrite!]

A great story of pursuing a dream and achieving to find out it wasn't what you would think it would be until it's too late. I sometimes wonder how many famous faces regret finding their fame.. as no money can give back that full freedom they had before they were known.. only time! Some food for thought for those reaching to the stars.. nicely done with great rhythm and rhyme!