Incarceration

This is just a ruff draft so it is pretty raw. Hope you like it :)

I lost myself when in that place

Loosing all of my personal space

The sharks in the water start getting near

Hide your emotions and show no fear

****

This is what you need to do to survive

The only way to stay alive

Is show no fear and don't be week

Or you might end up as their b***h for a week

****

I feel like something was ripped away

It's getting worse every day

How do I make these flashbacks stop

I look like I'm here but really I'm not

****

A shell of a man that I used to be 

Are you looking for me?  Can you really see

The pain hidden just behind my eyes

Or can you not see through my disguise

****

I wear so many masks and I am loosing myself

The stress has already started to affect my health

So many panic attacks though out the day

I'm sorry I've run out of things to say

Reviews

[A.Lee]

I really liked the last two stanzas in this. I don't really think it needs too much editing though. I saw a few things that I might change, but I'll let you handle that on your own since you said it was still a draft.

[Pookie]

I loved it. The way you formated it. Really good.

[S.W.]

I really like how you explain about hiding behind a mask and how others can't see it. i also enjoyed the part where you have lots of different masks yet its only the charactor that knows this. Enjoyed reading this a lot. Good job.

[lamia]

well written , really nice poem

[♍ Kirstin ♎]

I like it but to me the last line in the second stanza: "Or you might end up as their b***h for a week" doesn't really make scense with the rest of the poem

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

get poem. I truly felt trapped.

[NightsShade]

I kinda have to agree with 'not your typical girl'. I think that the second and fourth stanza are fine the way they are. As to the first, the rhyming seemed sort of elementary, to be put blunt. I think you could be so much more creative there. I just felt as if you were finding things to rhyme, not to fit with what you were trying to say. Now, as to the third stanza I think it could just use a little rewording. My only problem with it was that you used 'can you see' to close together and it disrupted the flow. But like you said this is just a rough draft, which is exactly why I'm trying to tell you as many constructive things as possible. Overall, a good write.

[Jade (insanity)]

Amazing, I think.
I liked the next to the last and the last line. Though, I would put a comma between sorry and I've in the last line, unless you meant to do that.
Otherwise, great piece, filled with emotion and pain.
Great job,
Jade

[MissWordSmith]

i love the 2nd and 4th stanza... the 1st and 3rd could be better..
anyway.. overall. this was a really great poem! the message was clear and saddening..
i really love how you wrote this.
kudos to you!