Am I in Reality

This is a new version of this poem let me know if you like it better

A crack is forming in my reality

Is this what it's like to loose my sanity

I look around and nothing seems right

The days are dark and the night is light

****

Oh please let this be a dream

Something beautiful and serene 

But the darkness haunts my thoughts

The ground starts to get incredibly hot

****

This must be hell I tell myself

Maybe my brain has gone off the shelf

Or maybe this is just who I am

Caught in a life I can't unerstand

Author's Note

work in progress... all comments welcome

Reviews

[Livana Lowell]

The connotation could be uplifted to fit the meaning, but the flow of the theme or controling idea is spectaculiar. From the agony of insanity to the contrast of dark flames.

I think this is your strongest line: "The ground starts to get terribly hot" and then the following lines after it emphasizing that the crack in reality has impacted you so much.

However, this line: " The days are dark" could be so much stronger, like a synonym for dark or something.

This line "the night is light" could aslo be better without breaking the rhyme scheme.

Even this line: "The ground starts to get terribly hot" could be much better to create a deeper meaning.

Other than that, keep working on this, this could is a wonderful idea and desrves to become better more than a five minute write.

[Greg Skura]

I enjoyed reading this piece! I was where you are once, all I can say is there will be better days ahead. Sometimes we need to experience the dark to find the light. Well Done!

[Bhavya Kaushik]

"A crack is forming in my reality" - The best one line I have read today..
Amazing, touched the very core of me.

[Taylor H.]

this is powerful. I loved it

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Nice sucinct write with cadence and an interesting twist of night and day. I am left wanting to hear a little more after the last line as you say it is a work in progress - however, I believe this to be very powerful as it stands now as well. Thanks for sharing.
Light,
Siddartha

[Gandré]

This poem has potential and it sounds like you want to add somewhat more lines to it, and this is a nice journey into the subconscious. I loved - the first line ... it is so difficult to begin a poem, and you did it successfully.

[SamBug]

This was very good. :)

[Liva Mary]

It may not be finished but it's still great :D

[Lanky]

I'm glad this is not finished! This is a very interesting concept and truly reflects how our realities are fragile and fading. Reality is our brains perception of our surroundings, but who's to say what our brain sees is what actually is? Keep working on it! This could be the best poem of yours I've read so far with a little work.

Oh and on a side note: I really like your works!

[Gheeneil]

This piece even spoke reality. Ironic but then, I say, One thing is for certain: Hallucination is one real thing. Keep writing.

[Aldora Sparrow]

I think this works well on its own. It looks like a Shakespearean sonnet and, apart from a few places, it flows like one. Nice work!