All

This is just a fun poem. Hope you enjoy :)

All

Up and down, down and up

Look around and see a cup

It is full so please don't spill

Need that water to take my pill

Pop that pill to catch a thrill

Then I'll run down that hill

Start to fall then I roll

Find myself down a hole

Look around no way out

So I start to scream and shout

This couldn't get much worse

I'm alive, don't call a hearse

Author's Note

All feedback is good feedback. So I would love to know if you like it or hate it.

Reviews

[NightsShade]

I agree. It really did remind me of 'Alice in Wonderland', but maybe that was just because of the part where the character falls down hole. I have so say though that I don't quite understand this rhyme scheme. You have two line that rhyme, then four, and then the rest are two lines. To be honest I don't think that the sixth line really fit in well, and I felt as if you just rhyming to rhyme. The fifth line didn't really lead into the sixth and that, in my opinion, disrupted the flow of the poem, they just seemed like two completely different subjects.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think that this was a bad piece, by any means. I just think that there's room for improvement. Great write!
(I apologize for my blunt honesty.)

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Very fun - reminds me of 'Alice in Wonderland' - cute ending. A delight to read this early morning, brought a smile to my face. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Aldora Sparrow]

Simple and has an easy and almost playful tone. Apart from some forced rhymes and the last line, this was beautiful. Keep up the good work!

[Ryan Falzon - Tymon]

Simple and Sweet =)

[A.r. Bazian]

the last line just has to go with rhyme, its beautiful none the less!
this is very nice... i mean taking a good look!

[...]

... hee hee ... :) ... you really are the "high" poet ... i wonder what you were "high" on when you wrote this ... it's so enchanting ... very melodious ... i enjoyed this verse immensely ... can't stop smiling ... :) ...

[LonelySoul]

kind of silly and I've seen worse but not sure if I can take one more verse

[Lanky]

While i was reading this I couldn't help but think, "what's the point?" Then when I got to the end i realized this was a story, a lyrical trip inside your head and thinking. When i studied psychology i realized that no matter what we write it all reflects who we are. This is quite interesting! It was a great read and the last line caught me a little by surprise!

[S.W.]

Short but so well put. You seem to have a knack of drawing me in to your poems and i can always feel the feeling as i read. Well done.

[lamia]

nice and good rhyming ..