The Goldfish and Me

 

Jazz nights, everybody dancing, beautiful women, people are just on that vibe you know, I get up feeling so free, we are all here to swing… and it’s so cool, we’re creating this brilliance!
I put the working day to rest as I’m an artist, we’re all artists creating our own realities. This is one picture in my head, and I have melodies playing in there, I got everything in there, freedom is in my head, lots of great words in this head, it’s a galaxy of free association, the answer to the universe, the key to liberation, it’s all in there, all in this head of mine…. Randomness is spouting everywhere from one brain cell to another. The answer is joyous, and anything that isn’t gets left behind.
We are all here living different experiences, different emotions, that’s why we’re all biased, but no matter how biased we are, we are all a collective operating as a single organism, well, on a higher dimension I mean.
Anyway, I’m not really in a jazz arena dancing, I just wish I was. I’m just sitting in my room, at my desk watching a nameless goldfish swim about in a tank (jazz nights in Paris are pretty cool though). I sometimes long to set this goldfish free, to a find a nice pond for him. Watching him just swim from one end of the tank to another is not pleasant, for me, he reflects the inner adventure that we’re all suppressing and holding back. We are all stuck in our own little goldfish tanks not seeing our realty in clarity. We are no different to the goldfish, he is a being of energy just like I am a being of energy.
The good thing about this goldfish it that he doesn’t need a job, I feed him and he just swims around. Even though, no goldfish really needs a job because they are simple and do not acquire the consciousness to get a job. Anyway, why would they want a job? Why does anyone want a job? Why do we make life so tough and so complicated that we have to make ourselves work? As simple as a goldfish is, they do not complicate life like us human beings, oh no! We just make a mess of it and we don’t admit the mess we make. We just deny it, or ignore it and hope that it will all go away and that it won’t come back to haunt us.
We find jobs and we get bored and oppressed, we have been taught to police ourselves and nobody hesitates to question what the hell is going on in the world, and what can be done to stop it… so we could maybe live a more simple carefree life.
I question this quite regularly as I am a deep thinker, I can’t help it, I just question stuff all day long. I really just wish I could live as simple as my nameless goldfish, okay, I wish I was more free than the gold fish though, that tank is restrictive but I wonder if he has ever thought that himself? I heard that goldfish don’t think much though and they have only a 3 second memory… However, amazingly I also heard about a science experiments where these scientists cut up a fishes brain, put it through a shredder and then put it back into the fish, yes, and the fish carried on as normal. Can you believe that huh? Pretty amazing stuff if you ask me, I hope it’s true, I really do. Imagine if it was true! What about the human brains as well, could the same be done with the human brain?…
I’m sure ethics would have something to say about that, but maybe we could find someone crazy to be the volunteer. A lot of people say we are on the brink of a cultural revolution, we have to rid the evil governments that oppress man. I do not care for this though, the real revolution is in our heads, the revolution is liberation of ourselves. We have to understand our complicated lives, that’s why I am choosing to write, you see, unwinding the thoughts that plague my consciousness. Maybe in my next life, I’ll incarnate into something a lot more simple, into a fish or a hedgehog or something.
I don’t know about a hedgehog though, I’d rather be annoying wasp for a day and piss everybody off. I’d go buzzing around my old work place and piss a load of people off. I’d piss off the lecturers at the university, I’d STING the damn president after seeing him swat a fly. I cannot believe he did that on camera. It may seem like a small thing, but you can’t kill creatures. Would it be right for me to swat a child because she is smaller than I am? Absolutely not! I am not a politically correct kind of guy you must understand, but you don’t kill or swat other creatures, well, unless it be a wasp who is about to sting you!
In self-defence you can do anything, but the question you have to ask is where do you draw the line? How protected do you want to be? At the moment I perceive humanity as so protective of themselves that they are actually scared of letting themselves go. People have to get drunk before they dance for God‘s sake, that’s just one example! You rarely see a sober disco dancer in the club, people have to get intoxicated to forget their restrictive mind before they will do anything. They won’t get up on that dance floor sober, they can’t, they’ll be too ashamed, people always think they are worse than they are.
Some people, you know, like women, they think their fat, when they are as a skinny as a pencil. I don’t get it, I like a woman with a bit of lard on her, not too much lard, not massively fat or anything, but you know, I like something to grab hold of for a second, something to dig into. There’s no point in trying to do a skeleton. Skeleton women, as bony they are, are horrific in bed, they expect you to do all the work. They don’t have the energy to anything you see, they don’t eat enough and because of this they are fragile. So fragile you have to make sure you go easy so you don’t break them in half. I’d much rather have a woman with a bit of pork on her, a bit of frump, not fat though, I don’t want to lose myself in a woman’s belly for crying out loud, that’s never happened before!

I say destroy this damn ego, this is the job for humanity, forget about image and the physical reality, let’s leap forward and find our souls again, they’re waiting for us somewhere in the cosmos, they’re definitely here I say and it’s a lovely night outside. What a lovely night it is and I am looking at the bright moon outside the window, the date is now 9/9/09 and the clock on the computer reads 00.07. I’m feeling damn fine and may read some more about this fish brain experiment before I go to bed! Ahhh, and I got to name this goldfish too, it’s my sister Emily’s goldfish, she won it at a fare once but grew so bored of it she wishes it was dead. How could she feel so threatened by a small goldfish like Fred? Poor Fred, he wouldn’t and couldn‘t hurt anyone if he tried… that’s his name now anyway, Fred. Fred the fish and god bless him too, I hope his next incarnation is a little more adventurous than this one, swimming around in a small tank all, I couldn’t think of anything so boring for a fish. I won’t kill him though, not like one of my Mother’s friends did to her pet fish, she only poured bleach into the tank, the damn gold fish murderer she is, how does she live with herself? How would she like it if I poured bleach into her chateaux roux?
There’s no crime for killing a fish though, no one to look out for a lonesome fish. If you killed a dog, that’s different, right? You kill a dog, you have the animal cruelty on your back. However if I phoned up and reported my goldfish murdered I’d get laughed at. You can’t get imprisoned for killing a goldfish. So what is this hierarchy we invent, huh? This is a global injustice, and where does it lead, am I any better than an ant, or a cockroach? I like to think I am, but my mum‘s friend after killing her own goldfish is not… Still, this is a debate sorely in contention because she could’ve done the fish a favour for one, he may have been a bored manic depressive fish. Anyway, I’m a hypocrite because I did have fish fingers for tea the other day… I shouldn’t be so damn hones with myself, I guess it really is time for bed. Right, now where’s that book about fish brain experiments?

 

 

 

Reviews

[Christina May Shanaberg]

You made me laugh and think about a lot of things. I would like to know about those fish brain experiments, as well. More structure in the write would have been nice, against what the story is all about, but still reading and following your thoughts was easy. Say, "Hi" to Fred for me!