So it begins

The Spencer family (Mother Beth, Daughters Jennifer and Clair, Adopted daughter Mia) start their regular morning... Only to find something afoot.

Joe Spencer died three years ago, he left behind an ex-wife, two daughters, and a dog named Sue. He left an apartment on the nice end of town that had four things stalked in his fridge, a six-pack of Budweiser, frozen pizza, White Castle hamburgers, and ketchup. Everyone in Kellensville, Nebraska thought he had killed himself. No one really knew how or why Joe died. Just that he was a decent cop and their college town would forever suffer his loss. His ex-wife Beth knew one day her ex-husband’s luck as “the smartest cop this side of York County” would run out one day. Beth hoped that whoever or whatever Joe did or found out that got him killed, wouldn’t come after her family. Unfortunately Beth rarely got her way.

            Joe’s funeral was traditional. Beth, her oldest Jennifer, and her younger Claire, as well as Jennifer’s best friend Mia whom Beth allowed to move in to her home due to a difficult home life, all sat in the front pew of the First Baptist church of Kellensville. All in conservative black dress. Joe’s partner Lou Donaldson sat behind them, along with four other officers Joe worked with Brett Taylor, Pollack Willis, Henry Anderson, and Will Sim, as well as the captain Paul Frees.  Some of Joe’s distant relatives came, a few college classmates, a high school teacher of Jennifer and Mia’s, Claire’s three best girl friends, A few of Beth’s colleagues from the high school she taught at, and Beth’s mother Ethyl attended as well. 

            Ethyl sat at the end of the front pew, watching Beth. All during the service, Beth kept an arm wrapped around Claire; Jennifer rested her head on Mia’s shoulder, who held her best friend’s hand, and Joe’s brother Delmar stared back at Ethyl.  Delmar was an idiot. Ethyl thought he was an idiot. Delmar spent his life on the wrong side of the law, when his brother was a cop.

 Beth told Ethyl she was divorcing Joe due to the stress of his being a cop, but Ethyl suspected it was because Joe and Beth got pregnant in high school as seniors, and Beth had been feeling trapped for far too long.  The preacher overseeing the service was a man named Jeremiah Q Henessey. A fire and brimstone type preacher who was over the top to the tenth degree. Ethyl glanced over at Jennifer; she was asleep on Mia’s shoulder. “JOSEPH SPENCER WAS … A HE-ROAH! A MA-YAN WITH A SENSE OF HONOAH WH WE COULD ALL ADMIYAH!”. Ethyl felt the urge to hit that idiot with her cane… however that was reserved for her ex-son-in-law.            Jeremiah finally finished. Mia nudged her best friend. “Wake up doofus” she whispered. “ Mees” she whined as the church erupted in applause. “Girl… the choir is gonna start” Mia whispered back. “Great” Jennifer muttered. The group in gold and green choral robes filed into the pews off to the side and started to sing.

As I went down in the river to pray

Studying about that good ol' way

And who shall wear the starry crown?

Good Lord show me the way!

 

O sisters let's go down

Let's go down, come on down

O sisters let's go down

Down in the river to pray

 

As I went down in the river to pray

Studying about that good ol' way

And who shall wear the robe & crown?

Good Lord show me the way

 

O brothers let's go down

Let's go down, come on down

Come on brothers, let's go down

Down in the river to pray

 

As I went down in the river to pray

Studying about that good ol' way

And who shall wear the starry crown?

Good Lord show me the way

 

O fathers let's go down

Let's go down, come on down

O fathers let's go down

Down in the river to pray

 

 

“Oh my God this song is so long,” Claire muttered. Beth shot her a dark look. “Lighten up Ma, you’re really gonna bring the wake down later” Jennifer whispered back. Beth shook her head. Jen was partially correct. But this was still a funeral. She wished her girls would behave.

 

 

As I went down in the river to pray

Studying about that good ol' way

And who shall wear the robe and crown?

Good Lord show me the way

 

O mothers let's go down

Come on down, don't you wanna go down?

Come on mothers, let's go down

Down in the river to pray

 

As I went down in the river to pray

Studying about that good ol' way

And who shall wear the starry crown?

Good Lord show me the way

 

O sinners, let's go down

Let's go down, come on down

O sinners, let's go down

Down in the river to pray

 

As I went down in the river to pray

Studying about that good ol' way

And who shall wear the robe and crown?

Good Lord show me the way

 

It was finally over. They’d have to go to the burial, and then have the wake back at their house. Mia held Jennifer’s hand. “Girl… do you need me to come with you to the cemetery?” Mia asked. Jennifer nodded silently. Her best friend squeezed her hand. "I'll be there".

 

The graveyard was spooky. It bothered Jennifer. Beth held her eldest’s hand.  They watched as Joe's casket was slowly lowered into the hole in the ground. Ethyl let Clair cry on her shoulder. Mia stood respectfully behind her best friend. Uncle Delmar sat in in his car, at a safe distance away, Watching. Jeremiah shook Beth's hand , scowled at Ethyl then left.

Ethyl hated her ex-son-in-law. She hated his stupid brother Delmar, who was buried in debts he couldn't pay... a man who was no better than the scumbag father that made Mia move in with her family, she hated that Joe has some sense of duty to the city of his duty to the girls and Beth. Ethyl didn't care about these people, mourning Joe. Ethyl sat in Beth's living room, during the wake, watching a football game on TV. Ethyl didn't care who the teams were, why they were playing, or what was going on. Just as long as these idiot people would leave Beth and the girls alone. 

Jennifer, Clair, and Mia sat together on the porch swing outside. Mia's midnight black hair brushed onto Jennifer's shoulder. "You guys wanna talk?" she asked. Clair shook her head. "Not now Mees... Give us awhile".

Mrs. Eloise Mindgonside, the town gossip stood in front of them. A grossly overweight woman, with too red lipstick, ugly matching red round rimmed glasses, an all black ensemble with a splash of color draped across her waist(in the form of an expensive scarf) came up to their porch. "OH! YOU POOR GIRLS!" she bellowed. Sobbing uncontrollably. Jennifer was about to say something, proverbally bitchslap this snooty woman, when Mia clamped a hand over her mouth. "Hi Mrs. Mindgonside... my mother is inside... with food. We're trying to avoid crowds... if you would like to say something... please help yourself to her food" Clair said for both daughters. Jennifer and Mia nodded in sync. Mrs. Mindgonside followed their instructions. Mia smacked Jennifer upside the back of the head. "Why didn't you let me tell her off?" Jennifer asked. "Your mom would kill me" Mia replied. "Speaking of moms" Clair muttered. Mia's mother stood in the driveway. Patiently. "Do you want us to go get our grandma?" Clair asked. "We're still like... 90% sure she's been to jail... she could kick her a*s for you?" Jennifer added. Mia smiled, "No... stay here... I'll be right back". Mia stood up, walked down off the porch... and went to confront her mother.

Ethyl was growing restless. A few people had come to talk to her, she shooed them away, or they stopped talking to her after she wouldn't respond. Beth was setting out food, pieces of pie and casseroles(because the girls wouldn't want anything to do with them) and when Beth's back was turned Ethyl would sneak over to the table holding said food and pitch it. To top it off Eloise Mindgonside was pestering Beth. Ethyl had enough. She reached her cane over to the TV. Clicking the power button off with a single click. Then cleared her throat. Nothing. "Excuse me" she said quietly. Still nothing. That did it. Ethyl started banging on the TV with her cane. "LISTEN UP YOU BLITHERING HALFWITS AND MERCILESS VULTURES!" Ethyl barked. That did it. You could hear a pin drop. Jennifer and Clair peered in through the open storm door from the porch outside. Beth's eyes widened and her mouth thinned. "My daughter and her girls ... Mia Torres included... need to mourn in peace. Joe was a bum. Anyway. Now BEAT IT!" she barked. Mourners filed out. Beth glared at Ethyl. "Mother that was very rude", "Darling... I'm 80... I can be as rude as I want" she replied. 

Author's Note

-This rewrite was born during the writing workshop my college offered. This has been on the back burner for awhile but one of our visiting authors had us do some prompts and the additions of Ethyl, Eloise, Delmar, and other town residents were born. Enjoy :)

Reviews

[Hannah Olivia]

I think this story has potential, but this first chapter can be split into a couple chapters. There is a lot of information here, like the abusive father, all the women in the story, and the introduction of Uncle Lou. If you want to introduce all this information right away, you need to further explore it so it gives the reader more to go on.
Once you've done that, you'll find that the chapter is full of awesome info, and possibly you'll learn more about the characters yourself! And then like I said, the introduction of the Uncle can be held off until the second or even third chapter.
Give the reader some time to get to know the characters and the backstory, then introduce the dilemma.

[theKansasginger]

THanks for the review. I'm grateful for any suggestions :) When I posted this(roughly around finals week) I was really rushed and a flash drive went missing... which was traumatic. I have ideas where I think I can get this to go, but my main concern is making the mystery an actual mystery. I just saw the movie "Now you see me"(nice way to kill an afternoon) and the big reveal at the end was interesting and no one saw it coming. But if the audience didn't pay attention to every single detail it made no sense. Maybe I shouldn't worry so much about the mystery along with way yet and start building my details first.

[Hannah Olivia]

Write every thought down on scrap paper, and start planning every detail of the "mystery". Plan exactly what will happen, and HOW it will happen, and start giving out extremely subtle clues throughout the book, so that when the reveal happens at the end the reader will go, "WHATT??" and then go back and re read, and then realize that the author is a GENIUS and the answer was something they could have figured out (but didn't, because you don't want to make it too obvious!!).
And I haven't seen that yet, but I kinda want to because Dave Franco is grade A cute.

[theKansasginger]

Haha! Thanks for the help. I will definitely do that in my notebook. My favorite types of mysteries are the ones that you never suspect but keep you invested. I have a love of Alfred Hitchcock movies :)

Franco doesn't disappoint. ;) My lesbian best friend (Who has a straight crush on James Franco) found him suitable. I kept wanting Mark Ruffalo to hulk out.

[Hannah Olivia]

No problem!
p.s...
I'm now going to use "Hulk Out" as an expression.
"Jeez, man... don't hulk out I was just kidding."

[theKansasginger]

:) Feel free

[A. Amos]

My friend what a great story teller you're! God I was reading and same time in flashback was watching a movie. Simply brilliant work...congrats

[theKansasginger]

Hey, thank you for the praise :)

[Wolfwind]

I like the basic premise you have presented in this story start. It's got alot of potential in my opinion. I had a hard time seeing Jennifer's character as believable. She came across as to up and down emotionally and her cursing in the opening cussing at the phone's alarm was a bit overboard in my opinion. I liked the Uncles character, he seemed to be the most even in his intent and actions within the story. The mother came in close second in how she reacted to the uncle bringing up past police business and the death of her husband.

Overall, I'll say it's certainly worth continuing.

Aaron

[theKansasginger]

THanks! I appreciate your time reviewing. I got a little sidetracked with school (seems to be a theme in my life) so this does feel a little up and down and rushed. But again thanks for the advice:)