Family Swim

A Story by Rachel

A very short story. Sarah always feels ignored by her family, so when they all go for a swim, she tries to capture their attention.

Family Swim

“Mom, Dad, look at me!” I shouted, flipping off the edge of the pool in a perfect backflip. Of course, Mom and Dad didn't notice me. They were too busy looking at my little sister Sandy, who was floating around on a noodle. Why did they never notice me? “Mom, Dad?” I tried again. They cooed at something Sandy did. “Great job, sweetie!” Mom said. “You're the best!” Dad added. What about me? Why wouldn’t they notice me? I did everything I could to make them look at me. Summersaults, backflips, which I had recently learned how to do. They didn't so much as glance at me. They didn't even offer a “that’s nice Sarah,” or a nod of approval. I hated that I had to bend over backwards for them. They looked right through me. The doorbell rang, and Dad went to answer it. They came back with the neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Thompson and their son Lucas. “Hey!” I shouted in greeting. They didn't respond of course. They just sat at the table, drinking lemonade and chatting. I listened in to their conversation from the deep end of the pool. “Sarah would have loved this,” Mom said. “I do!” I said. She ignored me. “I’m so sorry about what happened, even if it was a year ago, it is hard to move on sometimes,” Mrs. Thompson said. Dad nodded. “We all miss Sarah. That’s why we’re so careful in the pool now, we don’t want what happened to Sarah to happen to anyone again.” I shook my head. No, I tried to say, but nothing came out. My family went inside with the Thompson’s. I wish things were different, I thought. Then I took one last glance at my family and the Thompson’s before disappearing back under the clear water from which I had emerged.

© 2015 Rachel

Author's Note

Please read and review. Under copyright, 2015.

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Reviews

Arrinae

Its a good idea for a short story. A child seemingly being ignored only for it to be revealed she is a restless spirit trapped in an unending circle refusing to accept the truth of her predicament.

I suggest trying to draw out the story a bit. Maybe start, with her last moments as a sort of flash back that cuts off before the incident that sole her life from her is revealed.

Then perhaps go about her normal routine only to find that no one can seem to see her. That no one even mentions her existence without seeming sad or depressed, or broken in her parent's case. The lost of a child can very well emotionally even sometimes mentally break someone. No matter how much they may seem like they moved on, the death of a child with always haunt said child's parents.

There are two possible ways you can end it.: you can have her remain in denial over her death and begin to seek vengeance on those she believes are ignoring her, or, perhaps, have her in the end trigger that memory of her final moments and realize that she is in fact dead.

How she reacts to that knowledge, be it letting go and passing on into the afterlife or choosing to not pass on, for reasons of your own making in and of itself. Either option can add a bit more character depth and growth to the story, which is never a bad thing, and can even make your readers feel closer to the characters you have created.