Autumn Walks-A Seasonal Sonnet

My favorite season

Autumn walks on winds of change,

All the giants speak her name,

Floating down in flicks of flame,

Red and yellow fleeting fame.

At the triumph of the day,

The sun will run in amber rays,

Through our clouded window pains,

And trace your face like morning rain.

I wish on wells that she could stay,

Or else her kin could be the same,

So that I may always say,

Autumn walks with me today.

But come tomorrow she is lost,

For winter turns the winds to frost.

Author's Note

http://www.goodlightscraps.com/content/autumn/autumn-7.jpg

Reviews

[Abdul Aziz]

Your words are exceedingly beautiful, and dance across the page like leaves in autumn. It is a rarity to see someone write formal poetry, and mighty pleasing, too! I'd like to add my two cents here. You started writing the poem in trochaic meter, which although being incomplete, lends a sing-song feeling to the poem. Sonnets are usually written in iambs, and this is the first I've seen with trochees. So bonus points to you for that! There are some very beautiful lines used liberally throughout the poem, like "flicks of flame", "fleeting fame". The only minor gripe I have with this poem is the shift between trochaic and iambic meter in four places - lines 6, 8, 9 and 10. There's nothing wrong in shifting meter, I just wanted to point out the abruptness. However, as I mentioned, this is an exceedingly beautiful write, and I am just nitpicking here. Thank you for the awesome poem!

[Kenaz]

Thank you so much for a review with depth. I tend to switch between 7 and 8 syllables and manipulate reading time throughout to speed the poem up. I like shorter poems but I also like sonnets so I guess it just happens.

[Abdul Aziz]

Form is a guide, and I don't believe it is wrong to go boldly where no guide has gone before ;)

[Relic]

Did you notice the shifts while you were reading or did you scan the poem for a syllable count?

[Abdul Aziz]

Both. I've developed a knack for reading meter over the years, so I can spot when a poem is off meter when I read it. But I also like scansion when I read formal poetry. A quick cursory reading of the meter can be done if a full scansion is not required, as I did here.

[Kenaz]

If it is iambic then you know it is 8 syllables

[Relic]

Do you follow accents as well? I've been playing drums all my life and I'm trying to understand rhythm in poetry as compared to rhythm on music.

[Kenaz]

Accents just seem to happen, usually in stressed, unstressed fashion. Then it ends in a stressed syllable, unstressed if it is iambic

[Relic]

So than trochaic would end on a stressed syllable?

[Kenaz]

I suppose so, I do not know the name for it

[Relic]

I'll have to look more into it. Thanks for the info, that really helped.

[Abdul Aziz]

A trochee is "stressed - unstressed". An iamb is "unstressed - stressed". For instance, Autumn - stressed syllable followed by unstressed - is a trochee. "The Sun" - unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one - is an iamb. It may seem daunting at first, but it becomes really easy when you get the hang of it.

[Kenaz]

Interesting

[Relic]

What you're describing is basically the same pattern you would find in drum rhythms. The names are a little weird but I'll get used to it. I'm copying all this into a folder so I'll know. I've never bothered to look up the info online but it seems so interesting.

[Abdul Aziz]

Yes, it is very interesting. If you have time on your hands, I would suggest the book "All the fun's in how you say a thing" by Timothy Steele. It is slightly academical, but it is a great tool to learn the nuances of meter and formal poetry.

[Relic]

I'll keep that in mind. There's so much to think about when writing a poem. Although I've had some successful poems here, it's always been hit or miss.

[Abdul Aziz]

Sometimes we think hard to write a poem. Sometimes it just flows. However the process, our poems are ours and they are precious to us. Keep writing mate!

[Relic]

I will, thank you Abdul.

[May Flowers]

Wow this is absolutely beautiful!

[Kenaz]

Thanks for coming on over

[May Flowers]

I'm glad I did! Your poems are amazing

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the cool days of Autumn. Easy to walk in and the bugs are gone. I enjoyed your description. I agree with the ending. After the Fall. Winter come too quickly. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Kenaz]

Thank you for your kind words

[Aaron the Baron]

Gorgeous! I was ready to stand up and clap here alone in my office. I love autumn as well. How could I possibly write a poem about the season myself? You wrote as it IS! Great work!
I wish on wells that she could stay,
Or else her kin could be the same,
So that I may always say,
Autumn walks with me today. just couldn't hold back the smile as I read this

[Kenaz]

Thank you, I am glad that you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

[Baby Ricochet]

Nice Melancholey piece Kenaz

[Kenaz]

As Autumn always breeds these types of feelings, knowing we'll soon be heading into a long winter.

[Kenaz]

Unless you live in Florida of course, haha

[icelandicblue]

This is lovely. I am particularly fond of the couplet at the end:

But come tomorrow she is lost,
For winter turns the winds to frost.

I like it for its beauty and its truth.

[Kenaz]

Yes her sister is a harsh mistress

[icelandicblue]

I've written a number of poems about Winter and I most heartily agree.

[Kenaz]

Not to say that she isn't beautiful as well.

[icelandicblue]

She is but I don't always like her. Whereas Autumn is a much more agreeable season. Winter is quixotic and she can be as beautiful as she is cruel.

[Relic]

You made every word count in this. The images are rich and the end is so true, autumn ends too soon. I like the style of this, great writing.

[Kenaz]

Thank you my friend, I hope I did it justice

[Relic]

Absolutely. The poetic metaphors shine.

[David Scott]

I agree with your sentiments here. Autumn is my favorite as well.
Nicely penned sonnet.

[Kenaz]

Thank you for coming over

[cloud]

you wrote this really good.

[Kenaz]

Through your words, I feel your love for this season...

If it were up to you, the fall could last forever,

True roots, rooted within this nice poem, unfortunately, the winter

will come soon, I hope you will be ever equally inspired as when you wrote this into perfection.

Thank you so much for being you.


- Elisa

[Kenaz]

Yes, it is unfortunate that even the most beautiful things do not last forever. As humans, a brief glimpse of it is all that we get, then we live with a memory forever. Hopefully it inspires us to be greater.

And that makes me appreciate I have a memory, for it's better than having nothing at all.... when there comes a time, I maybe can't remember a thing, I think I would be very un happy. But we tend to save as much as we can on our retina, or in dreams, for grow out of it.... yes.... sigh!

[Kenaz]

Yes, those memories are everything. I would rather live for a brief moment in Autumn than live forever in Winter.

I think me too ;) better to catch true beauty, in a beloved season... than feel un happy in one longer one... although I personally find winter nice, I get much inspiration in wintertime :)

[Kenaz]

Winter is a very peaceful season most of the time.