Recovery of Old Feelings

Who’s Eva’s cousin? Lola gets into ber feeling over the name Eva tells her and recites the feelings she feels on the day that is supposed to be the beginning of a new life for her.

I was desperately searching for a pair of golden eyes. Two eyes that always made me feel butterflies in my stomach. Two eyes that were so bright yet gave off such a sad feeling. Two eyes that were more precious to me than my own soul.
“Yeah, his name is Rael Miller. I don’t know if you know him, but he’s pretty handsome. Hahaha. He’s a really smart guy, his mom is a math teacher. The smartness must be running in their blood. Hahaha. So do you know him? Are you guys friends?” Eva was talking, but the only words that I heard clearly were “yeah, his name is Rael Miller”, then slowly the words she was saying, the voice that she was making, her head and hand moting were becoming fainter and blurrier.
This couldn’t be true. I felt bad for myself. I knew my personality, so I was sure no matter how many times I told myself that I hate Rael, i would still fall head over heels for his presence. I did miss him. But the last thing I wanted was feeling the same pain each cell and nerve of my body felt back in high school. Back in high school when I could see him, but couldn’t touch him. When I could smile at him, but could never express how much I loved him. When I could feel the empty space he left in my heart, but could never feel his presence.
“Lola, what happened?!” I couldn’t the feel time passing after Eva mentioned his name. So I had to play it cool. I wasn’t going to expose my pathetic secrets anytime soon.
“Oh sorry. I was thinking about that name. I feel like I know him. Yeah, I do. I know him, but he doesn’t know me. Do you?” I tried my best to appear unbothered, but I still couldn’t control the pain in my voice. Rael never taught me how to feel love, joy, pride, and hope so that I would make my every word about him be tolerable.
“Hahahaha. What is wrong with you?! I just told you he is my cousin.” Eva seemed so clueless and that made me feel relieved.
“Oops I forgot. I’m really nervous hahaha. I kinda have social anxiety and today is my first day here.” I smile awkwardly to fool her and indeed, i was the best at faking my own feelings.
“ I used to be really shy too, but I told myself that the world doesn’t revolve around me. If I want to live a life that is worth looking back at, then I have to be open to all of the possibilities. I’m going to enjoy ever second of the last years of my youth.” Eva was such a sweet talker. I noticed that she always talked with enthusiasm and happiness. ‘It must feel good to be positive about life and future’ I told myself.
That day ended and I couldn’t see Rael. It was such a weird feeling. My heart was ready to cry at any given moment. I got home feeling down. My parents welcomed me home with a bright smile and asked me about how my first day went. I was already used to faking feelings, expressions and smiles, and because I loved my parents so much, I did my best and acted fine.
Then i told them that I was “really tired and the campus is so huge that all mu muscles are aching.”
I went to my room to rest and that was when the river of my feelings started flowing again. But this time, instead of fresh and clear water, there was only little drops of salty and sadness-filled water. My tears were not going to stop anytime soon. They waited for an entire day to come out and remind me of every second I had wished to die. To remind me of all the times asking God about the purpose of introducing Rael to my life. Remind me of how happy I would be if my heart was one piece and not shattered into one million pieces. Here I was crying to my pillow. The pillow that was worn out from hearing my heart and what it was going through. The pillow that that was worn out from seeing how happy I used to be from talking about the little moments i would share with Rael. I’m sure my soleless pillow feels terrible, and all she can fo is provide a soft spot for me to cry in at the end of a rough day.

Author's Note

I don’t know if I’m allowed to choose “Romance” as the genre of this story, but there are not any more tragic choices on the list. I hope you enjoy!

Reviews

[wordman]

this is a great chapter my friend,i enjoyed it

[thalia]

thank you..

[wordman]

you`re welcome