DEPRESSION IS KNOCKING ON MY DOOR...COME ON IN

being lonely or choosing to be lonely

There's a knock on my door
It's an invited guest
Come on in
Join me in the bedroom

I am a willing participant
I can feel depression invading my body with such aggression,I can feel it below my skin to the bone
I want to be devoid of emotion
Numb to the core
I want to sleep until I can no longer dream
I don't want to move
I don't want to bathe
I don't want the feeling of being clean
I don't want the company of family or friends
I'm not answering the phone
In fact, I have it turned off
I want darkness in and around me
And silence...
Sweet silence

Awake
Stay with the routine
Get up.Eat.Tv.Back to bed
...An odd thing
A ray of sunlight through the curtains
Stop
Don't get curious
Cover up the light
Keep it dark
But...
Just a peek...
Dark turns to light pulling back the curtains
The glare of the sun blinds my eyes
The pupils adjust their view

Daylight
This is the world outside of my window
In bloom and vivid color
People interacting with each other with smiles and handshakes
I look back towards the large sunstreak dividing the bedroom
I realize now that my called upon guest was not depression, but isolation

What I am doing to myself is by choice
There is enough light now to see out of this darkness
It's less than thirty steps to the front door
Just turn the knob and walk outside
So confused...
...Maybe tomorrow
But why not today?
At this moment?
Less than thirty steps
It's a beautiful day...

Author's Note

Just something I wrote dealing with life and other things not too long ago

Reviews

[flyingfree]

I blame all the things I don’t “get to do” because I “don’t have time” on depression... but maybe it’s something I made up, I must have chosen to become depressed, I brought this all on myself...

I understand this poem so much.

[DarkArtz 0703]

I understand this piece all too well.

[katie]

I adore how you describe exactly what depression is to you and so many other people. Definitely one of my favorites from you! :)

[SilverInk]

An insightful and relatable poem. Keep writing

[Maggie]

Very well said and i can relate with this in every way.

[marilyn 1225]

yes i understand i am there also on some days for sure hope u feel better today

[Alecia]

OMG!!! I feel the same way!!! beautiful poem!!!!

[Sarah]

Relatable and well written :) Great work

[TragicEndings]

This was absolutely beautiful! Great job getting me emotional as I too feel and understand completely what your feeling in this piece. Loved every line keep it up!

[Cherrie]

That dark haze that pulls the life out of color and song. I say fight the doldrums with a good Whitney Houston song. Maybe play, I Wanna DanceWith Somebody (which was my goto song to clean the house for years), open every window in the place and break out those old moves till ya laugh.