ADRIFT

I AM FORSAKEN. where is God now?

Lost at sea. Boat at the bottom of the ocean. Now the only survivor. There's no hope for me. There's no light shining in my direction that will lead to my rescue. It's time to accept my fate... Unanswered prayers... Mom Dad thank you. Thank you for raising me. I had a good life. I wish I was able to take care of you in your older years. I'm so sorry... My best friends are gone. Drowned.Now, ghosts of the sea . And I am next to join them. I never been a religious person. I never had faith in something I never seen or never heard. If there is a God, has he forsaken me? Am I being punished for a lack of faith?...Unanswered prayers...Enough. My will is broken. My arms and legs are no longer capable of keeping me afloat. I succumb to the waves caring my listless body across the water. My mind wanders. Memories of the past and present. All the people I leave behind, how will they mourn me? Will my body ever be found? Will they ever know I tried everything to survive, but failed...Unanswered prayers... Tired. Time to let go.Close your eyes. Don't be afraid. This shouldn't take too long.I sink under the water.The water fills my helpless body. My eyes open...Light...

Author's Note

Inspired by a dream

Reviews

[Poetic License]

I get this, so very much. I felt and heard echoes of my own writing on the very same things in your words.

From a literal point of view, I cannot answer as to god, God, the divine, the universe or anything else. Though raised a very strict and stout Christian, my own faith has been broken. Perhaps this is the moment, the place, the time where you learn the answer for yourself - even through dream.

Figuratively, I can taste the bereavement and loss, the loneliness and despair. You deliver the emotions powerfully.

[Diane]

I believe that all prayers are answered. We just may not like how it was answered. Who knows though it may have not have been answered yet. There is a reason for everything, even if we don't understand at the time. Ever heard the song "unanswered prayers".
I also believe you are not going to be forsaken for the lack of faith. I as a parent would never punish my child for not believing in something they do not understand.

As for the poem it was moving, and beautiful. As said below there is some editing issues but I am far from a professional editor so I will keep it to what I am okay at. I think this poem is full of emotion. The way you use your words really brought out how you felt inside your dream. Now was that light from the other side? Or did you just forget to shut off your bedside lamp?

[AliceBarnes]

Ok first things first, I am going to mention bits where you could edit the poem to make it even better because I actually really liked this.

"Mom Dad thank you" could be changed to "Mom, Dad, thank you"

"Lost at sea. Boat at the bottom of the ocean. Now the only survivor." could be changed to "Lost at sea. The boat at the bottom of the Ocean. I am the sole/only survivor"

Other than those two bits I thought this was very well written, so don't take the examples mentioned above like an insult, I really did love this, I think it's brilliant. You have managed to make something that would normally be exceptionally sad (and what I would find hard to write about) into something truly special. In your Author's note you mentioned that this was inspired by a dream, just little things like that make poems like this all the more special.

I loved that you brought up religion and then moved onto the narrator succumbing to the waves, all the while wondering what their friends and family would think. Really good poem and...I will be adding it to my reading list so you don't feel left out...