A WALK ON THE BEACH

A short,short story

HE. "I dare not look at you. After all these years together my eyes will tell you everything. You know me better than I know myself... My knees are killing me... What to say ?What do I do? I wish you would say something. Just start talking about anything... I'm not happy anymore. I just want to shout it out so loud the whole world could hear it. Let me walk you to the water. Keep thinking what to say. I'm just not happy with us anymore. I mean,with you. I've met someone else.Someone different. I want a new life but... SHE. " Oh God. My knees.My back. I'm so out of shape walking like this. Oh well we need our little moments together. Especially now. I wish you would try to relax and let me look at you. Maybe now is not a good time to tell you but everything is going to change soon. Not much time babe.Getting weaker everyday. I'm glad you're taking me to the water but you are so distracted. I need your attention... Just breathe. Say what you need to say and don't stop until you explain everything.So thankful. I am so thankful for you... TOGETHER. "I don't know what I would do without you."

Author's Note

Very experimental.Just wanted to try something different.Maybe it will work maybe it won't.But at least I got it out of me

Reviews

[Corset]

wonderful, and yet so sad , I hope they can learn to reconnect, sounds like she's dying and he wont have to worry about breaking her heart for much longer anyway. Once she's gone he'll realize ...they say hindsight is 20/20 especially when its too late.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ah, the irony when you have to part ways from the person you so want to be with...
Your experimental piece conveys very well that feeling. Nicely penned.

I love the title btw. :)

P.S I thought it would read better if you considered breaking it into paragraphs. Maybe with the He and she parts separated. Just my thoughts on this.

[DarkArtz 0703]

sweet and wonderful yet it makes me want to cry... neat work

[GwenLark]

Wow! I love view points in short stories. They can change EVERYTHING! Well done!

[Cas]

you can feel every word in the heart. this was really good

[nastassia]

I think this piece is very well written, the words are capturing. It tugs at the heart most definitely

[Tracey~]

To me this feels like the balance in life we all seek. We hate what we love and love what we hate. The grass is never greener on the other side. :)

[Kathy Van Kurin]

KCthelastboyscout,
'A WALK ON THE BEACH' was truly a walk in the experence of the knowing; knowing things with this relationship and the life it held is ending.
You did a great job of relaying the feelings imparted with this story. I love to see how others put what can be a complex line of thought into a story. I loved this one!
Kathy

[Ruu]

Absolutely heartbreaking, though I like to think that HE changes his mind at the end and realises he needs her! Definitely thought it worked, though!

[Megan Doeden]

I feel this on so many levels. :(