Waiting/Goodbye

Lost love

I belong to you. Across oceans of time. Season-to-season. I am yours,still. many years ago we were young and timeless. Our love was stronger than most but not forever. Older now. Fading. Memories of us are few and far between. Still the image of your face is vivid and everlasting. The color of your eyes. The look of your mouth when you smile. I'm awake. My eyes are open.I see the design of your face clearly.Eternally beautiful.But I lost you.so I lost everything. Although another replaced you in my life, no one can replace you in my dreams,in my heart,in my soul. And now my light extinguishes into darkness and as i close my eyes for the final time it is you I take with me into the unknown and hereafter...True love is stronger than death.

Author's Note

Hard to write trying to find the right words to say. I believe whoever reads this will find the true meaning of what I have written.

Reviews

[Zoya]

Very true. I love the way you've elaborated that very last line, with an example. Although I wished to read more, this still makes a really nice piece. I enjoyed reading it!

[xlynne]

You don't necessarily have to do this, it's all up to you, but I think if you played around with the structure, you could make it more dynamic. Using line breaks where appropriate can really emphasize certain words or whole lines when used right. I think you've written a good piece, it, in my eyes, seems underdeveloped. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[Island Hippy]

Aloha, I have enjoyed each piece but this is my favorite. I think there are opportunities to elaborate with deeper brighter descriptions to really engage the reader in a deeper sense. I will stick with my earlier suggestions of really taking a look at form. Very promising writer. Izzy

[Tabby Mac]

LOVE THIS PIECE!! Please take the time to give it spaces and separate sentences as I've suggested in other pieces of yours! I truly believe the tiny change will make your words POP off the page! This piece especially! What a hard write if this is true! Well penned!!
Tabby

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Gothic and so romantic. True love transcends time. Lovely wordage. Perfect.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

2017 KCthelastboyscout,
"Waiting/Goodbye"
One way if you like to bring out the points of meaning within, is to make complete sentences. You can also bring just a few more descriptive elements to really make the person you are speaking of seem alive.
Actually the poem is wonderful. But if you want to edit connected very short thoughts, this sometimes will naturally become one full thought.
For instance; "Across oceans of time, season to season: I am yours still." and" "Older now, fading; memories of us are few and far between.
You may work with your own voice of course as it is a good one!
I wish you joy and peace in this life's journey................Kathy.

[Alicia Cubatoso]

beautiful, I can feel your passion. nice job

[Bacchus]

ah a replacement...
almost cheating the something new
hard issues- an honest love or a self-fish one cut off- not sure here.

[Bacchus]

maybe if you were more descriptive about the eyes, the smile... the face- the love and why it was so powerful- i think making this piece more specific would make it stronger.