Without you

Wandering alone,

hoping that the sun will rise with time.

Wondering alone,

whether the choices I have made are mine.

Unaware of your love that surrounds me,

fully aware of the pain I have cause thee.

Is it better to have loved and lost,

than not have loved at all?

Or is that the lie they teach us when we fall?

Can we get up from the damage that has been done?

Can we say that we have had our fun?

I know that I will become stronger,

I just wish our time would have lasted longer.

Without you in my life,

I would become ill.

I truly love you, 

and forever will

Author's Note

I like any and all advice

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

Well...since you asked ;-) I felt like the rhymes were a bit forced, and the meter could have been a little more even and flowing for my taste, but it's certainly not the worst thing I ever read *laugh* If you truly would like some advice, may I suggest trying free verse? This is the only piece I have read of yours, so, for all I know you may already do...but as far as this piece is concerned, the sentiment is there, and it's all very sweet and good, but it didn't slam me up against the wall and shove its tongue down my throat...yes...that's what I said ;-) I, personally, like a piece to hit me hard, then kiss it where it hurts. Impact poetry that leaves a mark, but makes me beg for more. I'm talking about pieces that resonate. Since you're new at this poetry thing ;-) you probably have not found your authentic voice yet. When you do, I see the bare bones in this piece that will make it strong. I hope this helped.

-kimmer

And yeah...lose the "babe" ;-)

[Austin.Stoesz]

Thank you a lot. That is a lot of stuff that I can use in future writing. And I did ask for people to be critical and thats exactly what you did. Thank you again (:

[KAOlmsted]

My absolute pleasure. Keep up the hard work.

[Hannah]

"fully aware of the pain I have cause thee."
This line is missing something. I think it could used "caused thee" or "the pain that I have caused thee".
Other than that the poem seems good! :)

[blegh]

aww such a sweet poem

[cl0sure]

i think if you just took out the word "babe" it would sound better, more poetic.

[Austin.Stoesz]

thank you. I was really struggling with whether or not i should put that in there, and decided to just go for it. That's very helpful (:

[cl0sure]

glad i can help:)

["writing by" KS]

Aw this is so sweet. I do hope the lady appreciated it, as its simply beautiful. Well done.

[Austin.Stoesz]

Thank you (: im glad that you liked this