Hamlet's Arrival

The day I finally got something I had wanted for a long time.

My sister phoned.  Her son had told her that a friend of his had said that if anyone could catch one of his potbellied piglets they could keep them.  That thrilled me.  I had wanted a potbellied pig for some time, but they were so expensive I had held off.  Today was the day.

I felt a soft breeze on my cheeks.  The humidity and heat made it welcome.  The smell of honeysuckle made me glance around for a vine growing over a fence.  I spotted it just at the corner of the yard.  It covered the entire corner and had honey bees swarming all around it.  I glanced at the magnolia tree in the middle of the yard with the huge blossoms scattered among its branches.  I closed my eyes and sniffed the air.  I was trying to decide which fragrance was going to win the day when I heard the piercing squeal of a tiny little piglet.

 Yes, I set out to catch a potbellied piglet and I caught a total delight.  Now, catching him was not easy.  What looked simple;  took all day and left me covered with mud all over me and a smile on my face.  Once I got home, Hamlet and I showered off the mud and I was thrilled to discover I had a solid pink little pig.  I really did not care, but I did see some with spots and some with unusual markings.  They were all so covered with mud it was hard to tell.  Mine turned out to be a little pink bundle of squeaking delight.

My husband was at work and would not be home till late into the night.  He programmed computers during the day and played in a band three nights a week.  This was Friday, so it would be a late night.  I had always felt that a new pet needed to bond with me as quickly as possible.  The best way to do that was to sleep with them the first few days.  I had bonded with my dogs that way.  I had bonded with my kittens that way.  I did not bond with the parrot that way so let me more clear... I bonded with four legged creatures that way.

Hamlet and I were sound asleep when my husband came home at three in the morning.  He did not want to wake me so, he did not turn on the light.  He undressed, put on his pajamas, and slid in the bed beside me.  The squeal was ear shattering.  My husband jumped out of bed almost instantly.  He flipped on the light and there was Hamlet staring up at him.  He squealed again and got behind me.  I smiled and said, I see you have met Hamlet.

My husband took a deep breath, put his fingers in his ears and whispered to me, "Babe, I am not going to sleep with a piglet."

I grabbed his pillow, tossed it to him, and replied in a whisper, "You don't have to sleep with him, Dear.  Grab a blanket from the closet and sleep on the sofa."  The look on his face was one of surprise at first then remembering with whom he was arguing.  He blew a kiss in the air and headed for the sofa.

Breakfast the next morning was interesting.  Somehow I had gotten myself into a real dilemma.  I had pointed out I had not spent more than the cost of gas to go and get him.  I also pointed out that pigs were supposed to be very smart and easy to train.  My husband is a very intelligent man.  Somehow I ended up on agreeing to train him and maybe even make money with him.

 Now what was I going to do?  One thing was certain when everyone else looked at him, they saw a pig. When I looked at him, I saw a total delight.  I told him he was a delight, and he believed me.  Within these pages I have recorded some of our adventures.

Hamlet did turn out to be very cleaver indeed.  He knew how to untie every shoe in the house.  He learned his name quickly, just in case it meant he was going to get a treat.  He played with the dogs uninvited and chased the cats all the way to the kitty box.  I had to train him to use his own kitty box.  The cats did not want him in their.  Although his was always clean.  He did use it properly.  That one surprised me too.

  He got very good at killing field mice that got into the house.  He would chase them and stomp on them.  Then Tom Thumb, my big tom cat, would lay down beside it as if he were the hero.  My husband watched him kill a mouse one afternoon.  From that minute on Hamlet was also his hero and not just mine.  My husband hated setting traps and dealing with field mice.

I taught Hamlet how to do all the things dogs do; lay down, sit, come, stay, squeal, and play dead.  I decided I would get an animal trainer to teach him anything else.  Sure enough I found one.  I chatted with one of the people in the marketing department at work.  They knew just the right guy.  Hamlet and Paul hit it off famously.  Paul even got Hamlet some bit parts on some local commercials. We were on our way.  We started working birthday parties, more commercials, and other fund-raising events.  Now it was time to introduce Hamlet to the marketing department.  National commercials paid big money.

The weather had turned a little cold.  It was the day Hamlet was to go in for his interview with my company.  The only solution was to take him to my cubical until his appointment time.  I brought his bottles and blankets.  I prayed he would be quiet.  Everything was going great.  I was working and Hamlet was napping.  Only I could hear the soft snoring that was going on under my desk.

"Jane, you better get ready, it is almost time for the staff meeting.  Get it together girl."  My co-workers casual banging with his ring on my cubical wall was all it took to wake up Hamlet.  A squeak, just loud enough to wake up my little bundle of delight.  Hamlet weighed in about nine pounds and stood  seven inches tall.  I quickly stuffed one this bottles in his mouth.  He started making the smacking noise.  It took just a few seconds before my cubical was full of on lookers.  My boss came down the isle.  She pushed everyone aside as she stepped past them.

"What in the world is this?'  A very stern look of disapproval came across her face.  Her black eyebrows looked like a birds wings meeting just above her eyes.  "We are all pet lovers, but this is not "bring your pet to work" day.  Who is responsible for this?"

"I am," I said.  "He has an appointment upstairs, and it was too cold to leave him in the car.

"He has an appointment upstairs?  You think I am an idiot?  You really expect me to believe you?"

"He has an appointment with Hodges in marketing at eleven.  That is usually when I take my morning break.  I was going to go down and get him, at least that was the plan.  It just turned to cold."  I was trying to explain.  While I was explaining I handed my boss a baby bottle.   Then I took a deep breath and positioned her arm while I placed Hamlet in the crook of her elbow.  She offered it to Hamlet.  Hamlet smacked and smiled.  I actually heard an "Awe" come from the crowd now overflowing from my cubical.  My boss looked at me and decided I had made the story up, so that I would have an excuse to bring my piglet to work.

"I am going to call your bluff, Jane.  I am going to take Hamlet for his appointment.  You stay here.  Everyone else, get back to work."

I was so nervous.  I waited and waited.  I think everyone in the department was wondering what happened to Hamlet.  I am sure the dear heavenly father was wondering why the comptrollers' office were all praying for a seven pound piglet.  Maybe not, but it sure seemed like that is what was happening.

The staff meeting was called.   We all went into the conference room.  My boss waited for everyone to be seated.  "Hamlet got the part.  Jane, I will never doubt you again."  The whole room clapped.  His career and mine were safe.  Hamlet had arrived.