chapter 6

(Mr. Lewis POV)

I was grading some essays when someone knocked on my door. ‘Come in’ I said. Zoë walked in after a while.

The whole day I was wondering why Zoë wanted to talk to me. i was worried. I had been watching her the past few days and she looked bad. Well, she looked amazing, but she looked like she felt bad. I felt too awkward to ask her what was wrong.

‘Hey’ she said shyly.

‘Hi’ I answered. A short silence fell.

‘So… What did you want to talk about? Are you okay?’ I asked, meant to break the silence.

‘Uhm… I just wanted to talk about us, about what happened between us. I know I shouldn’t kiss you that day and I know I should regret it, but I can’t. It was all I wanted to do, but I know I didn’t think about the consequences and everything. I didn’t want to lose you.’

I was happy to hear she didn’t regret the kiss. I wanted to kiss her again, but I know,  that’s unacceptable.

‘You didn’t lose me’ I said. ‘I’m still here for you.’

‘Why does it feel like I lost you? I need to know what I can expect. Since I talked to you about… about everything, I feel like I can’t handle it on my own anymore. I need someone to talk to. I need to know if I still can talk to you. I need to know if everything will be less awkward between us, because now it is very awkward’ she said.

‘Of course I’m here. You can talk to me. I want to help you’ I said.

I wanted to kiss her so bad, but I couldn’t do it. It would ruin her life when people would find out. I didn’t even care about my own life.

‘No matter what happened between us, or how hard this can be for the both of us, I want to be here for you and I will be.’

‘Thank you Mr. Lewis’ she whispered.

‘There is another thing you need to know’ she said.

‘What?’

‘You remember why I came to you that day?’

Of course I remember. I will never forget that conversation. I nodded in response.

‘Well, because of our talk and everything I was able to handle it all. The next day my parents were at the breakfast and they said they were sorry about leaving next week, but of course, business was more important. They offered to do something with Jerry when they’re back.’

‘Well, that’s okay I think?’ I asked.

‘No. they offered it like it’s something on their to-do list and they can move it if they want. I was so angry and I felt so alone. None of my friends would understand and I didn’t dare to go to you, because of the kiss… I needed control, somewhere and I harmed myself again. I started again…’ she said. I could see the embarrassment in her eyes.

‘Zoë, listen. You don’t have to feel embarrassed or something like that. I understand you, more than you might think. Please, don’t blame yourself if it goes wrong again. Please, don’t. From what I understood is this your way to cope with everything, like some others go running, or drink a lot, like I did. I know it’s something you’ll always need to fight against, and you will fail sometimes, but please, don’t blame yourself for it. Fight against it once you’re ready again.’ I said.

She looked a little happier. I think she realises I understood.

‘Thank you, I’ll fight against it again.’ she smiled.

She looked like she wanted to say something else, but she seemed to hesitate.

‘I’ve a little question… You can say no if you don’t want to or if it’s over the edge, I won’t blame you. I just…’ she cut herself off.

‘What’s up Zo’ I whispered.

‘I-wanted-to-ask-if-you-could-go-with-me-Wednesday-to-Jerry’s-grave’ she murmured shyly.

‘I would like to go with you… But’

‘I knew it. It’s over the edge, I get it, I’m sorry for asking’ she said

‘No, I don’t care about the edge right now. I will go with you, tell me where I have to be.’

‘Are you serious!? Thank you, this really means a lot to me. You’re the only one who understands…’ she said. After that she went home.

I went home soon too. I kept thinking about Zoë. We both were different, but there were so much similarities, so far I knew. I didn’t know if I should have disagreed when she asked if I would join here Wednesday. I think I should have, I think people wouldn’t understand when they would know, but I didn’t give a damn. I didn’t know what I should do. I knew Zoë still liked me too, but we just couldn’t. I needed someone to talk to about this. I hoped my sister Anna would understand, or at least, won’t judge me.

Me: Hey sis

Anna: Hey Dom!

Anna: How r u?

Me: Fine, u?

Anna: Fine too

Me: uhm, Anna, can I ask you something?

Me: I think it’s just stupid, but I need ur opinion about it…

Anna: What’s up? Is there anything wrong?

Me: No… Not really

Anna: ?

Me: Well… There is a girl I like and I know she likes me too, but I don’t want to use her…

Anna: Why would u use her?

Me: cause she’s gone through a lot s**t. Her brother died a year ago and since then she has problems with herself and her parents. I try to help her and I know she’s strong, but I’m also afraid she’s confused and she confuses her trust in me with a crush or love…

Anna: Why would you think that?

Me: I help her. One time she was upset, about something with her parents, and she came to me. I was still at school and yes… I tried to comfort her and after that she kissed me…

Anna: Wait… Is she your student?

Me: Yes, she is…

Anna: I don’t know what you should do, I mean, you are older and you would be illegal, if you have a relationship... But I also know you can’t help who you fall for…

Me: That’s so confusing…

Me: Today she asked me to go with her when she’ll go to her brother’s grave. I know I should have said no, but I couldn’t. She looked so broken and alone and I wanted to be there for her when no one else is…

Anna: Hmm… sounds like you really like her a lot

Me: I do…

Anna: I think, if she likes you too, and you’ll have a relationship, I won’t think you use her. It sounds like you could never hurt her on purpose, whatever will happen between you two.

Me: I think I already did… After the kiss I said it couldn’t happen again, because I’m her student….

Anna: I think you should go for it, if you’re sure about your and her feelings

Me: Are you sure?

Anna: Yes

Me: I think I should wait for the right moment then

Me: thnx :)

Anna: NP :) Let me know what happens ;)

Me: I’ll do

I was happy I had talked to Anna. She knew about my feelings and she said I should go for it. I hope she was right.