Chapter 5

(Mr. Lewis POV)

She moved a little closer and kissed me. I could smell her sweet scent and feel her soft lips. She pulled back and shyly and I gently pulled her closer to me again. I wanted to kiss her, despite it's against every rule. Our lips met. After a while I realised what I was doing and I pushed her away.

'Zoë, we shouldn't do this' I said.

'I'm sorry… I thought you felt it too.'

'We aren't allowed to be together.'

'I'm 18 in 2 months. I'm only 4 or 5 years younger. That's nothing, comparing to some other people.'

I really wanted to be able to be together with her, but we couldn't. 'I'm your teacher. It's wrong.'

'Why did you kiss back then?' She was angry again and I felt so bad for making her angry.

'We can't… I'm sorry for kissing you back, I should have known better. I have responsibilities over you. I have kind of power over my students and I don't want to abuse the power for this.'

'I don't care about 'power'. I trust you, more than anyone else, and you wouldn't abuse power if you kiss me. I kissed first.' she said.

I felt so bad for hurting her, but it couldn't without. I know I shouldn't kiss her back, but I couldn't stop it.

'I'm sorry Zoë' I whispered.

'I should go.' she said.

'Yes.. See you' I answered. When she walked away I couldn't help but talk to her again. 'Zoë? What happened here… It doesn't mean I'm… Well… I'm still your mentor. You can always talk to me, if you want.'

'I know. I still trust you, nothing happened. I… Good night.' she said before she walked away.

(Zoë POV)

When I was home I started to cry. I felt angry. Why must my life stay such a disaster? I finally found some love, I finally felt better, but it's so wrong. I like him so much, but I'll stay away. I knew he felt it too, but he obviously didn't want me. I will only come and talk to him when there is no one else. My parents don't exist to me anymore. They don't want me in their life, well, I can care about myself too. I will do something for Jerry on my own. My parents weren't worth the pain. I would focus on the good things. I would focus on the things that made me happy.

The next day I felt tired. I haven't slept much, because of my thoughts about Mr. Lewis, about my parents and about Jerry. I walked down the stairs to have some breakfast when I saw my parents.

'Zoë, can we talk for a while?' my father asked.

'What?'

'We're very sorry we aren't home next week. We really wanted to be here, but if we aren't going, we'll never get the chance again. We can do something when we're back' my mother said.

'No. I'll do something Wednesday. It's not my problem that you think business is more important than your dead son and alive daughter. You obviously don't need me, well, I don't need you anymore. I have my own life.'

I took some bread with me and walked upstairs. My blood boiled. It was obvious my so called parents didn't care, they couldn't even care less. I felt alone. There was no one I could talk to. I knew I could go to Mr. Lewis, but I didn't feel like I could go to him right now, since yesterday. 8 days I struggled against the urge to cut, but I couldn't do it again. I couldn't fight anymore. I needed the pain. I needed the control. I walked to my bed and took the razor underneath my mattress…

When Lisa knocked on the door I was ready to go. I opened the door and we went to school.

'Hey, are you okay?' Lisa asked.

'Yes. No. I don't know'

'What happened?'

'My parents. They aren't home next week. You know how important the shop is. I should have known.'

'What!?'

'I know… I hated them for it, but it's okay. I decided not to give a damn anymore. They can't hurt me anymore.' I said.

I was done with this subject, so I changed the subject. 'Okay, have you done the math homework? I don't understood it and somehow I couldn't concentrate yesterday.'

'Yes of course. I can explain it to you' Lisa said.

I didn't see Mr. Lewis this whole day. I was a bit disappointed, but I knew I shouldn't look for him. I knew he would have looked through my mask and I knew he would care too much. I knew my feelings for him only would become stronger.

A few days passed by and nothing really happened. My parents would leave tomorrow. Mr. Lewis and I ignored each other a bit. He didn't make me talk to him and I didn't come to him. There wasn't really a thing I needed to talk about. I missed him. I missed his warmth and the way I was able to trust him. I wanted to kiss him again and I wanted to know if he wanted the same, but most of all, I wanted things to be normal again between us. I wanted to be around him, without things being awkward. He had hurt me and I knew and understood why he did that and the kiss had changed everything between us, but I didn't want to lose him. I felt worse again and I couldn't fight on my own anymore. I needed to have someone to fight with.

I walked into Mr. Lewis' classroom. Lisa, Mia and I were a little early. I walked towards Mr. Lewis' desk and asked his attention.

'Mr. Lewis? Can I please talk to you after school?' I asked.

I could see in his eyes he was worried. 'Sure. Is everything okay?'

'Would I ask to talk if it was?' I asked with a raised eyebrow.

'No… Sorry.. I'll see you after school.'

The day was long. I constantly saw worried glances from Mr. Lewis. I didn't want him to be worried, but I needed to force myself to talk to him. In my head I was repeating the words I wanted to say.

'Earth to Zoë' Eddie said.

'Huh, what?'

'What's wrong with you today? You seem to be somewhere else the whole day' Lucy said.

'I just have a lot on my mind. I still need to decide what I want to do for Jerry, my parents leave tomorrow for the whole week, so I've a lot on my mind' I explained.

'What!? How can they be so heartless?' Eddie said.

'I don't know. I don't care anymore. They live their own life, and I can care about myself. But… Let's drop this topic. I've accepted that this is the way it is, and I want to focus on positive things.'

The last class was finally over. I couldn't concentrate on geography, which was my last class, and I kept repeating everything. The bell rang after what seemed a whole day and I grabbed my stuff. I almost ran to Mr. Lewis' classroom and knocked on the door.

'Come in' he said.

I took a deep breath and walked in.