Without Wings

Without wings, like a fallen angel,
that is how I feel this morning,   

worrying and wondering
if I lost my way,
or if it's just another day
with no wind.

Ah, without wings,
I dread how that feels:
stuck, unable to rise above it all,
and see the forest
or the trees;  
Cast out of the short-lived heaven
I had been enjoying;
A diffuse sense of tearfulness
and tiredness around my eyes,
heaviness in the heart,
and my life force at a standstill.   

As I keep scanning,
I notice some spaciousness within.
My belly feels soft and relaxed,
that's really surprising!
Yes, but this tightness in the chest,
this feeling contracted and restless,
What is that about?

I don't really need to know.  
Best to stay free from story and theory.
I just need to feel this bottlenecked energy
seeking to get free,
but it all feels very sticky.

I miss the feeling of gliding effortlessly
on the wind.  I miss it terribly.
And now I get to feel that missing
in every cell of my body.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, an awareness sneaks in.    
Your wings are not lost nor damaged, just folded,  
resting peacefully at your back's sides.
Even eagles need to land on a branch
once in a while.   
And now another voice within:
The wind always returns.
What are you thinking!

A sense of relief spreads over my heart.   
And as I relax, I feel my awareness slowly expand
beyond the confines of my self-absorbed focusing.
I am suddenly able to take the world in.   
The sky and clouds are perfectly still.   
A couple of fellow birds are sitting quietly
on the electric wire in the neighbor's rice field.   
The few frangipani flowers that fell to the ground overnight
are lying pretty on the garden's grass
reminding me of the way you would slowly walk across the lawn, like a king
and gracefully kneel to pick up a couple of the flowers,
then bring one of them to me, as an offering.   

I let myself feel all this greenery.
just breathing and letting it in,
all this aliveness awaiting my opening,
my witnessing, my receiving.

The heaviness and tiredness are slowly lifting
I am reconnecting with life,
and feeling my energy
rising, rising, rising.

Soon I will be gliding again
on the wind.