Memories

A Chapter by Tena Luvs

The grey and silver strands in my hair only reminded me of the last four years I've wasted, the last few years I've neglected, as I busy drowning myself in my own guilt and agony. I wish I could rewrite these memories if I only held the power. These bitter memories, they'll never leave me alone, they once blinded me, they have made me a prisoner in my own body and taken endvantage of a young boy who was just starting out in the world. Who am I to blame? Nobody but myself...I was a foolish boy, like a tiger in a cage teased by flesh on a stick. How can you refrain yourself from desire when it grasps you so tightly? I was helpless. No...I was stranded, left alone in a desert without water and any chance of survival. Revenge had seeped into my overall being and I wouldn't have forgotten it if she had never saved me.

Till this day fingers point at me with so much hatred, with so much misconception in my existence. How can you imagine, that I can still hold my head up high and look them in the eye. They think I should be ashamed. They know nothing…... Society, do not wish to understand unless you are proven innocent by the jury, Society, judge without knowing the truth and sometimes it can be so bitter, like the taste of an uncooked onion, the sting of the poison water in your eyes and the burning taste down your throat.

I never intended to cause such chaos in someone's life. I did what I had to do to save her. Call me an animal, a godforsaken cruel man who thought nothing but himself. I wasn't selfish I promise you.

The memories wash over me like an old camera film, just vintage images scrolling numerously and faded with no words or sounds. Just the sounds of the camera wheel, spinning and spinning and I a young boy hypnotize by it. Captivated, allured by it like seeing a camera for the first time and her beauty was in every strip of film.
And yet her memory has never harmed me like the others. She, the one so gentle so beautiful and innocent. How can anyone forget her charming pure heart? I can never nor wish too. She sang and dance so gracefully like she had no worries in the world. As if her life had always been this perfect. No such a thing as the word pain existed to her.
Like she awoke every morning to a happy home. Mother and father smiling cheerfully greeting a good morning sweetly. Like, Breakfast would be served every morning, with the aroma of milk butter pancakes in the air. Can you imagine it? The warmth yellow sun embracing her heavy heart, awakening her to come downstairs, to sink away all her burden to a warm inviting good morning, with food made complete with love and care.

She had always wanted to dance and ballet had always been her dream ever since I could remember..she'd twirl around on the gravel ground with her tiny feet, barefooted and yet she felt no pain. Only the rhythm in how she swayed. Every movement took her into another world. When she dance, she felt no pain, no memories. Just pure beauty and elegance, and their, I could see how she pretended to be. No she became who she had always wanted to be. .Her charming hazel green eyes has stolen my soul, and I nor would I ever deny her no matter what my family sees of her. She will always remain my Kimy.........to be continued

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